In Defense of the Trough

Ryan Garza via Imagn Content Services, LLC

Editor's Note: When I penned my op-ed about my disdain for the "trough" I thought I'd be welcomed as a hero. Turns out, there are some in the community that were triggered by my article and felt compelled to respond. As OBNUG is an equal-opportunity forum for ideas (when we feel like it), we've allowed these forgotten voices a chance to be heard.

As with all nations, Bronco Nation is built upon the institutions that have been constructed by our forefathers. I am not talking about the icons such as The Pavillion (Extra Taco Arena), the Bush Hamden Practice facility, nor the beloved Blue Turf. I am speaking of a monument to Bronco Nation on the east side of Bronco (Albertsons) Stadium which was erected centuries ago and has been seemingly ignored by maintenance and custodial staff for decades. I am speaking of the Pee Troughs™

The East side of the stadium, this is where the true fans can be found, those that are not allured by the luxury of Stueckle, or the lack of sun in their eyes. They have embraced the Blue Collar™ mentality we have grown to appreciate in the team on the field. It is evident in the hearts of the fans on the east side, and also in the bathrooms.

This establishment is not unique to Bronco Stadium, but it is what makes it great. When you think of great American stadiums, Wrigley, Lambeau, they have all had their bathrooms problems, but fans have grown to love, appreciate, and even embrace the awkwardness of the trough.

Sure there are those that worry about the cleanliness of the troughs, and yes, you may occasionally get a little sprinkle like you are walking under a hotel balcony in Hawaii. Yes there is some splash back, but who can complain? You are there with your brothers, shoulder to shoulder, talking about how great your tailgate was, or wondering if your neighbor had asparagus last night, or speaking to a total stranger questioning the starting QB’s ability to perform tonight after rumors that the starting QB’s girlfriend has recently ended their relationship.

The bathrooms are not perfect. To be honest with you I am not certain they have actual toilets in there to drop a vandal, and sometimes the line can get backed up while waiting for a spot to open up at the trough. This is why I have a meeting with AD Jeramiah Dickey next week to discuss my plan to increase the traffic flow in the restroom by requiring every person to start on one end of the trough, and continue to move, shuffling around the trough, until they have completed their micturition. This will both increase the capacity of the bathroom, while keeping the tradition of the trough alive.

I will not allow this beacon of hope, to be torn down in another attempt by the woke leftist media (@mybrainissmart and @OBNUG) to cancel another great American tradition, open air peeing next to a total stranger.

Bronco Nation it is time for us to rise up, standing arm in arm, unzip our pants, look up to the ceiling avoiding all eye contact and pee together as one unified voice.

This content was not created by OBNUG and therefore may not meet our standards. On the contrary, it probably exceeds them.