Let my people go (in urinals)

Boise State fans are a lucky breed. Whether born swaddled in blue and orange or getting a blue blood transfusion, they’ve tasted sweet victory much more than defeat (tastes like licking a slot machine handle in Reno). And the fruits of those many, MANY victories have brought significant changes to the landscape. An indoor practice facility (Bush Hamdan said to be there to this day), a shiny new press box and luxury suites, a jumbotron that’s actually jumbo, a (sorta) sweetheart TV deal and locker rooms big enough to breakdance in. These are just some of the spoils that have gone to the victors...heck, the Vinny Perretta memorial porta-pottys no longer even pepper the track area (or, what USED to be the track area). Yes, things are pretty sweet for Bronco fans—unless, of course, you find yourselves on the east side of the stadium and drank too much Coca-Cola (whilst getting caught redhanded of course—you had to be there)—oh, and you pee standing up.

Let me put this to you bluntly if you’ve never entered an east side men’s room—they feature giant, communal troughs wherein we’re expected to “unburden” ourselves. I don’t want to get too hyperbolic here, but they should be against the Geneva Conventions. Perhaps you’ve doused the campfire with a few buddies before and have no problem with this practice...but also remember, you downed a lot of Zimas and the ash flecks on your jeans were a real pain to scrub out when you got home. There’s not just the problem of privacy...but my God, the splashback. This is something not even a Golden Corral level guard could contain. I don’t know...maybe the east side women’s restrooms are not much to write home about either, but I’d be willing to be they don’t have one big community toilet.

Are we not men?! Did we not drink too much Mountain Dew at the tailgate (ask Dave Southorn)? Is it not enough to have to de-layer while standing elbow to elbow with your blue and orange brethren during halftime of a November game? Now THIS indignity? I know that one of Curt Apsey’s last real “wins” (at least from an optics standpoint) was the East Side renovation reveal (complete with stunning balcony). With Apsey getting the hook and with a pandemic that kinda sorta imploded the athletics budget, we don’t know when this sterling new facade will actually come to fruition, but there’s something that can be done cheaper and sooner—and I hope Jeramiah Dickey understands just how vital to our success this move is. As some Egyptian guy once said, “LET MY PEOPLE GO (*in urinals...preferably with those little cubicle things around them)”

*parenthetical quote only found in original Vulgate