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FOWL PLAY: THE 2019 SCHEDULE PREVIEW AND SANDWICH REVIEW

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Get your chicken fix right here!

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If you have been on social media lately, you may have seen an uproar over the new Popeye’s chicken sandwich. Fans of fast food have been ardently debating who holds the crown as “best chicken sandwich” now that there’s a serious contender with a new offering.

All of the factions attempting to represent for their favorite sandwich made us think it might be time to preview Boise State Football’s 2019 schedule...as chicken sandwiches. Or review chicken sandwiches with an awkward tie-in to football teams. Take your pick.

AUGUST 31 – FLORIDA STATE as POPEYE’S CHICKEN SANDWICH

Look, this is really more of a reflection of Florida State being the most ‘southern’ team BSU plays, and thereby gaining the notoriety of the “Louisiana Fast” Popeye’s service. Last year was not that flavorful, but Florida State has a long history of success, so this season might be like their brand new chicken sandwich.

SEPTEMBER 6 – MARSHALL as BOJANGLES’ CHICKEN BISCUIT

Another southern staple, this time assigned to Marshall. If you’ve never been, Bojangles did the “chicken biscuit sandwich” thing first (supposedly) and is infamous for their trademark rude service. This pairs up nicely with Marshall’s over-inflated self-worth and frankly disastrous social media presence (what’s up, 2014?).

SEPTEMBER 14 – PORTLAND STATE as ARBY’S CHICKEN SANDWICH

If you forgot Arby’s made a chicken sandwich or that Portland State played football, you’d be forgiven. Nobody goes to Arby’s for the chicken sandwich, and nobody is going to Portland State for the football.

SEPTEMBER 20 – AIR FORCE as SMASHBURGER GRILLED CHICKEN SANDWICH

It’s somewhat unique, kind of healthy, and pretty dependably consistent (as long as you can find a Smashburger). It’s only fitting that a sandwich with a pedigree like that be paired with a service academy of limited notoriety. No knock on the sandwich or the school, but it’s not gonna excite many people either way.

OCTOBER 5TH – UNLV as BURGER KING CHICKEN CLUB

It always sounds like a good idea, but then in the end you’re still eating at Burger King, the Tony Sanchez of fast food restaurants. Wouldn’t recommend it once you’re out of highschool.

OCTOBER 12 – HAWAII as MCDONALD’S MCCHICKEN

If you’re on a budget but you want more than one sandwich, McDonalds has you covered. It’s not gonna make you post a viral Youtube reaction video, but you’re gonna get good value and a full meal, and maybe diabetes. Hawaii is doing good-enough football on a shoestring budget with a QB named MacDonald, so clearly this was a match made in heaven.

OCTOBER 19 – BYU as KFC

Once upon a time in 1984, KFC was the best chicken restaurant in the entire country, according to them. Seeing all the cool new restaurants crowing about their chicken sandwiches has prompted KFC to remind everyone that they, too, have a chicken sandwich.

Nobody cares.

NOVEMBER 2 – SAN JOSE STATE as IN-N-OUT

In-N-Out does not have a chicken sandwich. This was not a mistake.

NOVEMBER 9 – WYOMING as CHESTER’S BREASTER CHICKEN SANDWICH

Chester’s Chicken is usually found in truck stops and gas stations, and while it can look a little funky, it’s usually a good deal and actually quite tasty if you’ve got no other options. We wouldn’t recommend Wyoming as your first stop for football, but if you’re already there, why not?

NOVEMBER 16 – NEW MEXICO as TACO BELL NAKED CHICKEN CHALUPA

These are both things that existed despite all logic. At least Taco Bell had the good sense to discontinue the Naked Chicken Chalupa.

NOVEMBER 23 – UTAH STATE as CHICK-FIL-A

Once upon a time, they were the top-ranked chicken sandwich, but internal turmoil and competition has taken a toll. I could reach for some ideological connections between Chick-Fil-A’s morals and Utah State’s, but we’ll let that sleeping dog lie until the court cases get resolved. Opinions differ, but it’s a pretty good sandwich.

NOVEMBER 29 – COLORADO STATE as WENDY’S CHICKEN SANDWICH

Wendy’s has spent a lot of money to try and sell you a chicken sandwich that they swear up and down is the best. It’s not bad, but it’s not worth the advertising campaign. Similarly, Colorado State probably didn’t need that new stadium if they can’t even hold a 28-3 lead.

And there you have it. If you made it this far and disagree with our takes, too bad. Hope you’re hungry for some football.