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You’re no fools

...of the April variety

NCAA Football: SERVPRO First Responder Bowl-Boston College vs Boise State Tim Heitman-USA TODAY Sports

It’s a time-honored blog tradition to mercilessly prank people on April 1st, but OBNUG readers are much too smart to fall for such obvious deceptions (but love being pandered to), so OBNUG’s tradition is a bit different. We get all the April Fools stories out of our system that we otherwise would’ve bombarded you all with if you hadn’t been so perceptive. Sure, maybe someone would’ve fallen for our ruse by thinking it was still March 31st, but other Nuggies would’ve quickly set them straight, so let’s all just pretend that we’re all super gullible for a moment and just enjoy what could’ve been.

Idaho to rejoin Mountain West as curling-only member

The University of Idaho has finally received their coveted invite to the Mountain West conference, but only their curling team was granted membership. The rest of Idaho’s athletic teams will continue to compete in the Big Sky Conference, while their curling team will join the Mountain West...which really only consists of Wyoming. Of course, Wyoming competes in the Big 12 for curling, so basically Idaho has just been granted permission to use the Mountain West’s curling storage silo in Colorado Springs. Congrats, Vandals!

Statue of Lyle Smith to become co-offensive coordinator

The statue of Lyle Smith that stands (crouches, really) outside the Allen Noble Hall of Fame has been hired on as co-offensive coordinator for the 2019 season. Previously, the statue only enjoyed honorary offensive coordinator status, but coach Bryan Harsin announced Monday morning he was looking to shake things up in the booth. Zak Hill will remain the co-offensive coordinator but the 1,700 lb statue will be wheeled to the booth before each and every game and don a specially-made headset. Equipment manager Dale Holste stated that for away games, the statue will be airlifted to the visitor’s stadium and the payload will be parachuted in prior to the matchup, “like Operation Dumbo Drop” Holste added.

Taco Bell Arena to officially change name to ‘Taco Ballerina’

As most fans have started to call the arena-formerly-known-as the Pavilion “Taco Ballerina” in a kinda jokey way, the school announced Monday morning that they’d go ahead and just call it that from now on. Don’t expect the signage to change until at least June, as Boise State is looking for a local artist to properly depict the largely-fictional Taco Ballerina for the main sign boards. The State Board needs to approve any plans and as of Monday, the school did not know yet whether the Taco Ballerina mascot should feature a hard or soft shell.

Broncos to unveil new “screw it, we’re never kicking” special teams philosophy

2019 will feature several coaching changes and a few “philosophy shifts” for the Boise State football team, but the biggest might be what Bryan Harsin calls the, “screw it, we’re never kicking” philosophy. “Every knows that Gandhi never took a knee”, Harsin stated to the media after Saturday’s closed scrimmage, “but he also never kicked...and after last season, we think that’s probably worth exploring”. Kent Riddle will oversee the lack of kicking.

Allie Ostrander to run every event at this weekend’s Sun Angel Classic

Already holding seven school records and on the books in several other events, Boise State’s always-All-American Allie Ostrander has decided to run in every event at this weekend’s Sun Angel Classic in Tempe. “If I can slay school records in the mile, 10,000, 5,000, steeplechase, etc...I think I can at least get top-ten in the 100, 200, 400, 800, y’know...all of ‘em”, Allie said ahead of this weekend’s meet. “Heck, I might even not kick for the football team this year”, she went on to add.

“MegaTust” to be formed by Southorn/Tust merger

Stars of the local “208 podcast”, Jay Tust and Dave Southorn have announced their merger, effective at the end of May. The two sports personalities have decided that they’d serve the community better as one single entity and, “save a lot of money on Dep hair gel”. No word yet on what they’ll call the single sports guy conglomerate yet (or where they’ll find special oversized pants and polo shirts), but they were said to be flirting with the name “MegaTust”. In hearing the news, B.J. Rains announced that he’d be merging with Mike Prater this month to become “Mecha Rains”.

Happy Arbor Day, everyone!