OBNUG INVESTIGATIVE REPORT: Is Leon Rice the Dark Knight?

Leon Rice might be Batman.

I’ll wait for all of you to compose yourselves. Clearly, it’s an absurd claim on it’s face. But, before you laugh it off, think about it. What do we know about Leon Rice? Let’s see:

He’s a middle-aged fitness freak.

He’s independently wealthy with a seasonal job.

He ‘travels’ a lot.

He leads a pretty private life.

If we hadn’t been talking about Leon Rice, that’s basically describing Batman. Throw in a butler and some inexplicable injuries and suddenly we’re talking an arch-nemesis and fast cars.

Yeah sure, but Batman needs a high-tech base of operations! Where is that located, you ask?

Well, not long after Leon Rice arrived, Boise State mysteriously completed a brand-new ‘basketball’ facility. Cloistered away next to Taco Bell Arena, it’s a comparatively huge complex that the basketball teams had never needed previously, but was a huge priority the second Leon stepped foot on campus. Outside of the ‘basketball’ personnel, only carefully escorted media have been inside.

All that’s well and good, you say, but where’s the data? Batman fights crime, right?

Well, consider this. Since Leon Rice arrived in 2010, Boise’s crime index has dropped and stayed lower than it had been previously. Not only that, but Spokane (where Leon lived before Boise) saw it’s crime index simultaneously spike, almost as if a caped vigilante had left.

As for supervillainy, there’s literally another ‘coach’ in the conference named Musselman. If you can’t connect the dots to him running a crime syndicate out of that wretched hive of scum and villainy known as Reno, I can’t help you.

Clearly, other conclusions might be drawn from this data, but I present it here as a reminder. Before you call for Leon Rice to be fired, think about how he’s almost definitely Batman.

You don’t fire Batman.