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It’s a time-honored blog tradition to mercilessly prank people on April 1st, but OBNUG readers are much too smart to fall for such obvious deceptions (but love being pandered to), so OBNUG’s tradition is a bit different. We get all the April Fools stories out of our system that we otherwise would’ve bombarded you all with if you hadn’t been so perceptive. Sure, maybe someone would’ve fallen for our ruse by thinking it was still March 31st, but other Nuggies would’ve quickly set them straight, so let’s all just pretend that we’re all super gullible for a moment and just enjoy what could’ve been.
Arena naming rights purchased by Kaopectate
The arena formerly known as Taco Bell Arena, and prior to that known as The Pavilion has found a new sponsor after Taco Bell’s contract expired and if worrying that another corporate sponsor would emerge was giving you indigestion, you’re in luck! Kaopectate—the Bismuth subsalicylate digestive remedy has just finalized a 10 year deal with Boise State that will see the marquee of the 35 year old arena adorned with the famous Kaopectate “K”. The arena has been the site of so many stomach churning contests of late the indigestion giant thought now was the perfect time to bring their peppermint (and now vanilla) remedy to Boise State’s campus in the form of a $12M naming agreement.
“We couldn’t be happier to be the new sponsor of exciting Boise State athletics contests and (probably) country music concerts here on campus”, a Kaopectate spokesman said, “and when things get tight in the final minutes of a Bronco game, each seat will come stocked with a mini bottle of our multi-symptom relief”
Popular and integral Boise State player to transfer
Whichever player you’d least like to transfer from Boise State is, in fact, transferring we learned this morning. The player you most pin your Bronco hopes and dreams upon sought and received a full release from their scholarship obligations and will be free to transfer anywhere in the country, but sources are saying they’re leaning toward transferring to the school you hate the most. The player led the team in scoring and/or defense last season for the Broncos, but grew disillusioned in the offseason because of something you did and will no longer wear the blue and orange. It comes at a time when you’d just taunted opposing fans on twitter about having this player on our team and finally committed to buying this player’s jersey at the Blue and Orange Store. Tough break.
Allie Ostrander ruled ineligible by NCAA for being a sprite
The NCAA’s strict “no mythological entities” rule was applied to Boise State sophomore track and cross-country phenom Allie Ostrander today—making her permanently ineligible from NCAA-sanctioned races. The All-American won the 3,000 meter steeplechase at the 2017 NCAA outdoor track and field championships, but shortly thereafter the NCAA began an investigation into whether Ostrander was, in fact, an ethereal fairy-like entity—specifically a water sprite (which explains her natural predilection for the steeplechase).
“Testing revealed that Allie had not-insignificant levels of fairy dust in her system”, an NCAA spokesperson revealed, “it’s unfair to other runners to have to compete against someone possessing elemental magic”
Ostrander will still be able to compete as a pro as the IOC only tests for various hormones and performance-enhancing drugs at present.
“Boise State blue” leaving longtime Pantone partnership
“Boise State blue”, known for years as “Pantone (PMS) 286 C” will be abandoning the Pantone formula for good this spring and will shift to Pantone (PMS) 287 C—a move that will cost the school and merchandisers millions to fix.
“All Pantone 286 C Boise State merchandise will need to be recalled and destroyed”, a Boise State spokesman confirmed, “...and that includes those items currently in the hands of private owners.”
New Pantone 287 C product will be on shelves by 2019 at the latest and the famous Blue Turf will be covered with a tarp featuring the slightly deeper blue for all 2018 home games. If you currently have Boise State gear featuring the discontinued blue, you can drop it off at one of three locations in the Treasure Valley for it to be incinerated.