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The definitive, foolproof NFL draft pre-write recap

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Definitive

NFL Draft Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images

The first round of the NFL draft has already passed and there’s plenty more draftin’ to come. Unfortunately, I’ve got a busy weekend and probably won’t be able to give a blow-by-blow account of the proceedings, so here’s a best/worst case, bases-covered recap of the draft that you can read in advance. Now you have time to do yard work.


A whirlwind NFL Draft weekend is over and many dreams were realized and also dashed. My team, in particular, reached too far to make some high-value picks that are sure to be long-time starters/busts. Many will look back fondly and with dismay at the 2017 draft as the one that finally changed the fortunes of their struggling, historically winning franchise. Personally, I’ll never forget my exuberant cries of anguish as my favorite team (pending) selected the guy that they did. It was a position of need and a wasted pick that only “our” GM would be savvy/dumb enough to make.

But I suppose the more things change the more they change/remain the same. Closer to home, Bronco fans can rejoice/lament the draft outcome as one or several Boise State alums heard their names called from the Philadelphia stage/over a landline from Arena Football headquarters. No one and I mean everybody was surprised at the draft position of Boise State’s Jeremy McNichols. He rocketed up or down the draft boards to be picked where he was and stands to make a fortune/pittance because of it. We may never know what caused the management to reach so high/pass on McNichols but it’s certain that he’ll be starting/on the practice squad in no time.

Seeing other Broncos come off the board/go undrafted was a real treat/travesty but NFL teams are going to pay for having slept on/believed in them. Honestly, no one/most pundits saw Thomas Sperbeck as an undrafted free agent, so seeing things play out in just that fashion/in a different way was definitely a delight/unfortunate. But I’m sure he’ll land on his feet/private jet.

Of course, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the biggest/most overlooked story of the draft and that is the particularly surprising thing that happened when no one/everyone was looking. How one makes that genius/idiotic move is beyond me...but here we are. Only in America/Saudia Arabia, right? I mean, it's typical/surprising for the move to have taken place or not happened at all—which is why the NFL Draft/Seinfeld reruns are what I was glued to all weekend.

Good luck/condolences to all the Bronco draftees, and as usual, condolences/condolences to Browns fans.