OBNUG: So, Rashaad Penny.
AKH: LOL, right?? It's crazy. DJ Pumphrey was the second best running back in SDSU history, which was pretty damn cool because the best guy is in the NFL Hall of Fame. But after only half a season with Penny as the starter, it's amazing how easy "Penny is better than Pumphrey" seems so obvious and correct. Rashaad has D.J.'s speed and heart, all while being 5-11, 220 and inclined to blast helpless defensive backs to Jupiter. He's also an upstanding young man and I basically spend my afternoons writing his name in my notebook with big puffy hearts around it. Don't judge. You don't know me.
OBNUG: Rocky Long has infamously poo-pood Boise State's "Mystique," as he coined it, and to some extent, has proven his own theory right. If you were to coin a phrase describing San Diego's performance these past few years, what would you use and why?
AKH: For one of the best runs in program history this has been .... qualified awesomeness? Yeah, let's go with that. The first season in our little run of titles (2015) began with a 1-3 start, including a home loss to South Alabama that led the local columnist to call for Rocky Long's firing. Attendance was pretty weak the rest of the year, even as the Aztecs reeled off win after win. SDSU was rewarded for winning 9 straight games with a berth in the freaking Hawaii Bowl (party favor noise). Last year included yet another debacle against South Alabama, plus two losses to end the regular season that led that same columnist to reiterate his call for Rocky's head. SDSU hasn't lost since. We're all hoping this is the first year of awesomeness we don't have to qualify because of some dumb nonsense loss. I'm equal parts excited and terrified.
OBNUG: Using Microsoft Paint, illustrate a scenario you see playing out in this game.
OBNUG: Of all the players on San Diego State's current roster, with whom would you like to spend 4 hours in a sauna, and what would your conversations be about? (Football roster, not cheerleading.)
AKH: This team honestly seems to have some pretty good dudes on it, but the most chill bro of them all is John Baron, Second of His Name, The Noble Lord of Kicksteros. Not only is he automatic from inside of 45 yards, he also follows me on Twitter so you know he has impeccable taste.
OBNUG: Here's a mad lib for you to fill in:
Holy (1. everyday object), you guys! You should have seen the Boise State, San Diego State game! I couldn't believe how many tackles (2. a defensive player on either team) had in the backfield! It was like he was (3. manly verb) a (4. something made out of metal), or something! And bros... could you believe how (5. 80s or 90s expression of coolness) (6. offensive weapon nobody saw coming)'s game was? It was like nobody saw it coming! He must have (7. motion verb) at least (8. a number between Rocky Long's age and the women Harvey Weinstein harassed) yards! I couldn't believe what I was (9. seeing)! And that final score? Like, it was a (10. either what a baby does in a diaper after you think he's old enough for Mexican food or what the other mice call a mouse who talks too much)! San Diego State (11. a number in multiples of 3 and 7, and 2 if you're weird), Boise State (12. a higher number).
AKH: (1. tonalpohualli) (2. Ronley Saumaniafaese Lealao Lakalaka) (3. crushing) (4. can of Modern Times Hoppy Dank Amber) (5. badical) (6. Kahale Kuio Kalani Michael Wodehouse Warring) (7. spread chickenpox) (8. 67) (9. not seeing because the previous game on CBS Sports Network went into nine overtimes) (10. niiiiiice total) (11. 42.0) (12. 69)