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Building the perfect recruit

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NCAA Football: Cactus Bowl-Boise State vs Baylor Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

With only about a week until signing day, the Broncos are scrambling to complete the 2017 recruiting class. There are sure to be some surprises in the last 7 days of the year-round odyssey, but just what makes an ideal recruit? Furthermore, what would make a “perfect” recruit? OBNUG has a few ideas.

Loyalty

Sure, this recruit has 4 Pac-12 schools in their backyard (it’s a big backyard) and they were given a 4th recruiting star in December, but the Broncos offered first, doggone it, and this recruit and Kent Riddle are besties. No dice, USC!

Lazy Growth Hormones

Another 2 inches and 30 lbs would’ve put this recruit on every Power 5 short list, but his growth hormones just slept in. He’ll grow 4 inches and gain 40 lbs by sophomore year without losing any of that elite speed.

Football IQ

We’re not looking for a certified Mensa member, as the Ivy League schools then get in the way—but a recruit with the football computational capabilities of Deep Blue would be a godsend.

Invulnerability

The ideal recruit is like a Timex in that they can take a lickin’ and keep on tickin’. Whether it’s genetics, rubbery ligaments, or a lot of calcium in his diet...this recruit doesn’t carry any ACL baggage.

Boring

This recruit is thrilling to watch on the field, but his dogged devotion to film study, homework, and the weight room mean that he doesn’t get invited to all the off-campus parties where cops are waiting to hand out MIPs.

Quickness

I’m not talking straight-line speed, here. We’ve had plenty of players that could win a footrace, but we’re looking for a guy that never got frozen playing freeze tag. The last guy out in dodge ball...except he’s ducking, dipping, diving, and dodging linebackers and DBs.

Leadership

C’mon...this guy is a huge, quick, boring football-junkie—of course he’s going to be another coach out on the field, he’s desperately seeking the approval of Kent Riddle (remember, they’re best friends).

Kellen Moore

This recruit is literally Kellen Moore.