The triumphant return of Melvin Q. Marsh

Editor's note: We'd written off Inky Marsh months ago when he would not answer our urgent telegrams or return so much as a postcard. Frankly, we thought maybe he'd "bought the farm" (using his verbiage) on his latest globe-trotting trek. However, last Thursday, Melvin came storming in to OBNUG headquarters (the Dairy Queen on Glenwood) ranting about "huns" and dengue fever. He demanded another chance to write for OBNUG—and since he really just works for corned beef and shoe polish, we decided to allow it. We're honestly not sure where he's been this last year, but if I had to guess, based on the smell of exotic spices emanating from his fedora...I'd say Morocco?

Prince is dead

The news came screaming across the wires last night that the Crown Prince was dead. Let's hope this time it doesn't start another world's war. Until told otherwise, I blame Prussia.

Wrestling items

Many were shocked to hear that long-time skipper of the catch-as-catch-can squad, Greg Randall, was given walking papers. This reporter, however, was not shocked—and am one who would like to see the great Louis Cyr given an opportunity to lead our grapple-men, despite him being of ignoble Canadian birth.

Correa to the APFC

It's been quite the off-season for hard-boiled Bronco defense-man Kamalei Correa and he appears to be set up for making more scratch than Croesus. I've sent telegrams to several honchos from the APFC and they think that Correa is a lock to go in the first few rounds of the 37 round draft. Personally, I think Correa's bull rush would be a welcome sight with the Canton Bulldogs or the Dayton Tri-angles.

Fin-ley departs

Quarter-back Ryan Fin-ley saw fit to leave the program rather than play the palooka—and who can blame him! Brett Rypien's shown to be the big cheese and Finley got the high-hat. No tough feelings, young Fin-ley...you did more than most Irishmen can dare to dream. I'll just leave you with the words of my contemporary, Grantland...who penned fitting words for this very situation:

The bloke who knows the world is rough,
And not a clover bed of rest;
Who takes his fortune as it comes
And promptly counters with his best
Who slogs along through fogs of doubt,
Fear, pain and envy and despair,
With clear eyes fixed upon the goal
Will get somewhere.

'Somewhere' indeed!

Frazier has a ducky spring

Everyone knows the full-back is the most important player on the gridiron, but a close second may be the defending end, and no such player had a bigger spring than Mr. Jabril Frazier. The recipient of frequent atta-boys from the coaching staff and a real thorn in the side of quarter-backs—Frazier endeared himself this spring to teammates and assembled scriveners. If you want my scouting report—imagine the proportions of Ernie Nevers (but not when he played in Duluth) com-bined with the speed of Paddy Driscoll. I think now you see my meaning!

Bacon undone

Former Boise State line-man Troy Bacon got himself in a bit of hot water in the Oregon territory this week last as he attempted to pull over an auto-mobile under the pretense of representing the constabulary. After the actual fuzz arrived on the scene, they quickly ascertained that Bacon possessed neither the age nor the Irish heritage to be a bona-fide lawman and he was summarily put in the clink. A bizarre episode for a former Bronco with so much promise...but I'll with-hold judgement until lady justice has had her say. After all, who among us hasn't doffed our fedora for a custodian's helmet in service of the citizenry?

Rypien's rousing performance

I wrote a short poem to describe my affinity for the play of soph-o-more Brett Rypien. I hope it will not elicit Bronx cheers.

Soph'more caller, sight to see!
Nearly as important as the fullback is he!
For he's whip-smart, quick, and oh so plucky!
Full of moxie, brave, ducky.
A hero to the Betas, Gammas!
That fellow is the cat's pajamas!
So lead us to that promised land!
By thy touchdown-heaving hand!
And with ev'ry scoring toss,
Make the foe shout 'Applesauce'!

Til next time, Bronconia. Melvin Q. Marsh, signing off.