April 1st is a day for shenanigans. A day to finally use the rest of that roll of Saran Wrap. A day that every media outlet thinks needs to be devoted to fooling their readers. Well, OBNUG readers are just too darn smart for that—so for the second year now, I won't be insulting your intelligence by spinning tall tales (besides, we insult your intelligence the other 364 days of the year)...I'll simply throw out all the best April Fool's headlines we would have used if you lot were the gullible types. Let's get these out of the way.
Burros added to stadium concessions
After mis-reading the public's demand for churros at Albertsons Stadium, Aramark has added burros to the menu at stadium concession stands. The burros can be purchased as pack animals for carrying your belongings up steep stadium steps, or can be purchased "honey roasted"
The honey roasted burro combo
Sanford has change of heart
Ex-Bronco offensive coordinator Mike Sanford left for the same position at Notre Dame just a month ago, but he's since thought better of it and decided to head back to Boise. As Sanford's old position has already been backfilled by Eliah Drinkwitz, Sanford will have to start back at grad assistant and hopes to move back into the coaching chair within the next few years. Sanford called his new GA position his "dream job".
Albertsons Stadium bought out
Less than a year after Albertsons purchased the stadium naming rights, the stadium formerly known as "Bronco Stadium" (for some reason) will be once again changing the signage. Albertsons, a national grocery chain with roots in Boise, has sold their stadium naming rights to the highest bidder—a conglomerate of other well-known national grocery brands. Beginning May 1st, Albertsons Stadium will be known as Kroger-SuperValu-SuperTarget Stadium brought to you by Trader Joes.
Brett Rypien transferring to USF
Sorry, this one just isn't funny
Details of Moore celebration released
Futher details of the April 11th Moore celebration have been released and it turns out, it's less Bronco-centric than originally believed. Bryan Harsin said Tuesday that the Spring game festivities will be actually honoring the life and cinematic achievements of actress Mary Tyler Moore. Moore's connection to the university is unknown, but we do know that ex-Bronco coach Tony Knap was a "huge" fan of the Dick Van Dyke Show.
Broncos unveil new "throwback" helmet design
Boise State helmets are fantastic!— Amber Cox (@AmberCMOrange) August 29, 2014
Broncos get verbal pledge from M1 Abrams tank
Since this is the laziest form of sports-related April Fools prank. Why not go big? The Broncos locked up the services of two-way athlete "M1" Abrams Tank out of Los Alamitos High School (CA) over the weekend...getting their 2016 recruiting class a valuable multifueled turbine engine they so desperately needed (not to mention incredible killing power). Abrams Tank had also received offers from Navy, Air Force and Army, but is choosing to bring his talents and 25 mph offroad capabilities to The Blue. "Vroom", Abrams said when asked by BJ Rains to comment on his commitment. Vroom indeed, big guy.