A Quick Jaunt Through Northern Illinois Roster Photos

Boise State vs. NIU: Huskies Photo Analysis

Since we here at OBNUG pride ourselves in our professional journalism, I thought I might class up the joint a bit by analyzing our opponent’s players’ roster photos. As the saying goes, "A picture is worth a thousand-word article because you might be falling short on your article-per-day quota."

I have no qualms in doing this, since I know full-well any photo of me is worse by ten times than any one of these players’ photos. Also, it’s a slow day at work and I’m bored.

(Unless you’re my boss, and I’ll have those cover sheets on the TPS reports ASAP!)

Kenny Golladay, Junior WR

Pretty classy, Mr. Golladay! Your hair is neatly trimmed, you wear a slight smile to exude contentment and professionalism, your suit is neatly presse… what is that? Is that a fart mustache? Kenny, Kenny. Here’s a quick rule of thumb: If you’re growing a mustache to look older and it looks no thicker than Frida Kahlo’s, you’re better off shaving.

(Frida Kahlo, RS Painter)

Joel Bouagnon, Junior TB

I really liked this kid in High School Musical. I’m glad he made it to college!

Ryan Graham, Freshman QB

Come on, Ryan. Your shaved head is not fooling anyone: We can all still see you’re a ginger! (You should have left your eyebrows, though.)

Shane Wimann, Sophomore TE

This guy will never, ever go bald. His hairline starts at his eyebrows. (And here I sit on the hair donor list for another year.)

Josh Ruka, Junior OL

Josh was once caught in the locker room, comparing chins with Shane Wimann.

Shawun Lurry, Sophomore CB

Now that’s how you grow a mustache! It’s almost like someone drew on his lip with a chisel-tip sharpie! And then maybe possibly glued on a fake goatee because otherwise they would look like they were ten years old in their team photo.

Cameron Clinton-Earl, Senior DE

Samuel L. Jackson borrowed a flannel shirt and grey jacket for this photo and got swoll!

William Lee, Sophomore DT

He’s angry because today is not his birthday.

Boomer Mays, Senior LB

I take it back. Swollen Samuel L. Jackson owned the flannel shirt and grey jacket to begin with. Boomer is the borrower.

Marlon Moore, Senior S

Overheard in the locker room: "Has anyone seen my Chicklets? I set them right here! Anyone?"

Based on this sound, scientific analysis, I predict a Boise State win: 42-27