There's a silver lining to the story: He elects to stay here. But stop flirting with offers, Mikey! Would you rather have more money, or stay in wonderful Idaho, to be doted upon by faithful fans whenever you run just the right play at just the right time! We love you! I'll give you however many Subway points I've accrued on my Subway card! That's worth at least a free bag of chips!
We seem to do alright when we reach that benchmark.
Maybe they ate more calories for breakfast?
Remember MS-DOS? To this day, I remember the protocol I had to learn to find and launch programs (mostly games). Speaking of which, many of those games are available now for free (including Oregon Trail, which was the best part of library time).