A debilitating series of Super Bowl prop bets

OBNUG does not condone gambling because it ruins lives and bank accounts, but in the rare occasion that there's a Super Bowl and you're having friends over, feel free to go to town. The Super Bowl offers a unique gambling opportunity because you can bet on the craziest things, and if there's one bit of investment advice I've followed through the years, it is that the crazier something is the more money I spend on it. Have some fun with these prop bets for Sunday's big game, and spend your M&Ms-filling-in-for-real-money wisely.

*Unless otherwise noted, you double your money if you get a gamble right, and you lose your money if you get it wrong. In the case of odds like 4/1, you get four times your money if you get it right. Proceed.

Denver will win by three points or more. Yes / No

The total combined points scored will be over/under 48. Over / Under

The Super Bowl MVP will be ...

• Peyton Manning 11/10
• Marshawn Lynch 15/4
• Russel Wilson 15/4
• Percy Harvin 16/1
• Knowshon Moreno 20/1
• Richard Sherman 20/1
• Demaryius Thomas 25/1
• Wes Welker 25/1
• Other 33/1

The national anthem, sung by opera singer Renee Fleming, will be over/under 2 minutes, 25 seconds. Over / Under

Knowshon Moreno will cry during the national anthem. Yes (3/2) / No

Heads or tails?

The player who scores the first touchdown will have a jersey number over/under 79.5. Over / Under

Race to 10 points: Which team will get there first? Seattle / Denver / neither (50/1)

Bruno Mars will wear a fedora during the halftime show. Yes / No (4/1)

No member of the Red Hot Chili Peppers will be shirtless at any point. Yes / No

Will Richard Sherman get a taunting penalty? Yes (4/1) / No

Seattle or Denver will score exactly two points. Yes (2,500/1)

Will Percy Harvin leave the game with an injury? Yes (3/1) / No

The phrase "Beast Mode" will be uttered by Joe Buck and Troy Aikman more than twice. Yes / No

The final score of the game will be ...

• Touchdown
• Field goal / safety

Team to score first. Seattle / Denver

Team to score last. Seattle / Denver

Happy football, everyone. Enjoy the Supers Bowl.