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Press conference primer: A guide to Coach Petespeak

Coach Pete is not exactly Mr. Soundbite, but considering that coaches like Robb Akey are—that's not necessarily a bad thing. Pete rarely deviates from the script in his weekly pressers and you could virtually pre-transcribe his chats with the media. This is why I've compiled this list of Coach Pete-isms to listen for in his weekly spring press conference (today at 3 PM). I've affixed a point value to the different terms so you can score them at home.

Listen carefully, and let us know how many points you were able to compile.

Petespeak glossary

"No question" (5 pts) – This is like a verbal security blanket for Coach Pete, and you'll likely hear it more than once. In general, used after a member of the local media asks him a leading question, in essence—no question.

Chadd Cripe: "Coach, Doug Martin's neck is the size of pony keg...what are your feelings on that?"
Coach Pete: "No question, we had Tim Socha inject his neck with horse steroids"

"Without question"

"Hörd" (2 pts) – Despite being from Yuba City, CA—Pete pronounces the word "hard" like a Viking. He could use this word to describe the ferocity of a position battle, or how difficult it will be to pick the starter in said battle.

"The kids are competing really hörd to be the one to model the new Tron-inspired home'll be hörd to choose the winner"

"High level" (5 pts) – This is the level that Coach Pete wants him team competing at, luckily, it appears to be the only level they ever attain.

"The placekickers are competing at a very high level this spring—ha ha, just kidding"

"Yeah" (3 pts) – Yeah, is a fairly common term and Coach Pete by no means has exclusive rights to its use...but in pressers, Pete often becomes Bill Lumbergh—starting every question or statement with this adverb.

Mike Prater: "Coach Pete, remember me?"
Coach Pete: ", no I don't"

"Good things" (8 pts) – What all players on the team are capable of doing, health permitting.

"If Dan Paul can get over his bout with cauliflower ear, he's going to do some good things for us this year"

"One day at a time" (10 pts) – How Coach Pete always takes things. Always.

"Brent Pease liked to take things two days at a time...long story short—he's at Florida now. We take things one day at a time."

"Great effort" (4 pts) – If the kids are competing hörd, and at a high level, one would assume it's because they're putting in great effort.

"Nick Patti has been putting in a great effort at keeping his hair full-bodied and easy-to-managehe's been using Pantene Pro-V"

"Certainly" (8 pts) – Pete bequeathed this one to Kellen Moore, but will still use it on occasion when "without question" or "no question" seems ill-fitting.

"Certainly we'd like for Mike Atkinson to save us all some breakfast sausage at Chuck-a-Rama, but that's just not gonna happen"

"He'll be okay" (15 pts) – Pete's dismissive response to inquiries of player injury. All this really means is the player is somewhere between death and having a charley horse and is as unspecific as possible (in keeping with program operating procedure)

Dave Southorn: "Coach, we saw a DB get impaled on one of Geraldo Boldewijn's limbs today at practice..."
Coach Pete: "He'll be okay"

"We'll know more this week" (12 pts) – Timetable in which Coach Pete will know things. Generally deals with injury news (see "he'll be okay") or players return from NCAA suspension.

"We're on double-secret probation from the NCAA for providing Ricky Tjong-A-Tjoe a 6" Blimpie Best, but we'll know more this week"

Your turn

Did we miss any good Coach Pete-isms? Listen in at 3 PM (KTIK usually has the feed) and see how many Pete fits in today.