Know your enemy: Hawaii edition

Well, I can't say last weekend went exactly according to plan, but the season is far from over so the show must go on. The Broncos will play Hawaii at Aloha Stadium for the last time in the foreseeable future this Saturday and one thing is certain: there will be a trash blowing around the field it will be an exciting match up. Both teams are a bit down heading into this one, so hopefully the white sands and surf won't distract the boys in blue from righting the ship. Without further ado, here's this week's installment of Know your enemy. Pay attention.

Ten things you probably didn't know about the University of Hawaii or their Poi-soaked pad

10) The University of Hawaii's Manoa campus lies on the site of the first sugarcane and coffee plantations on the Hawaiian Islands. The first person to tend the crops commercially in Manoa was John Wilkinson, who came to Hawaii with Lord Byron aboard the HMS Blonde (seriously) in 1825. The HMS Blonde, which according to other ships "had more fun", was not greeted with great enthusiasm upon its arrival in Hawaii, as it also bore the dead bodies of King Kamehameha II and his wife, Queen Kamamalu who had both contracted measles and died while in London on a state visit. Worst. Vacation. Ever.

9) The University of Hawaii at Manoa was founded in 1907 as a land grant college for the study of agriculture and mechanical arts (mechanics doing landscape paintings, I believe). In 1918, a Chinese banker named William Kwai Fong Yap petitioned the territorial legislature for university status. By 1920, the legislature acquiesced—finally silencing Kwai Fong's Yap.

8) The first season of football at Hawaii was played in 1909 and the upstart program went 2-2 against a slate of just two opponents—McKinley High and Punahou College. The following year Coach Austin Jones' squad played an identical schedule that served up triple helpings of Punahou and McKinley, and the squad improved to 4-2. The next season, Punahou and McKinley High were sick of playing UH 3 times apiece and opted for a much more manageable 2 game rubber match...again, Hawaii went 2-2. Then, the program was disbanded for 3 whole years—ostensiblly, because Punahou and McKinley High were like "dude"—and then in 1915, UH was back at it with Punahou and McKinley but had them bring friends—Kamehameha HS and Mid-Pacific Institute. All told, the team largely played pickup games on the island for the first 15 years against the likes of "Field Artillery", "Waikiki Surfers", "Aero Squadron", "Signal Corps" and "Outrigger Canoe Club" (seriously) until finally sending their dog and pony show, via ship, to Pasadena, California in 1923 to play Pomona.

An early Hawaii squad—Len "Yacht Master" Wainwright shown in upper right.

7) In 1941, Hawaii was scheduled to play in a round-robin style football tournament known as the Shrine Bowl against Willamette College and San José State University. On December 6, the team defeated Willamette 20-6 but never got to play San José State as Japan attacked Pearl Harbor the following day. Wilamette's football team and fans, stranded on the island, volunteered to guard the perimeter of the Punahou school for ten days while female members of their travel party volunteered at nursing stations. Similarly, the San José State and Hawaii teams volunteered or were assigned to help the Honolulu police or guard water supplies for the tumultuous couple of week following the attack. It wasn't until December 19th that the SJSU and Willamette squads were able to return to the mainland by hitching a ride on the SS President Coolidge, which was carrying civilians and badly wounded soldiers to San Francisco. On the trip home, the players had to sleep in steerage (below sea level) and assist the wounded passengers on the trip home—several team members stayed in Hawaii to help with the war effort. A pretty incredible bit of luck had these 3 teams playing in Hawaii into mid-December in 1941, but it's an amazing story that now links these '41 squads with world history as well.

Way more than Shrine Bowl participants bargained for

6) The winningest coach in Hawaii football history is Otto "Proc" Klum, who spent all of his Prohibition era career at Hawaii. Klum, who I'm guessing got his nickname from repeated visits to the proctologist, was also known as "The Manoa Fox" and "The guy with one too many nicknames", and put together 3 undefeated campaigns in his 19 year career (1924,1925 and 1934). Klum piled up 84 victories while at the helm, with rather pedestrian seasons mixed in liberally with his three aforementioned dream teams and then turned the reins over to Tom "Grass Shack" Kaulukukui in 1940 (you'll read all about Grass Shack upon further scrolling). Klum was notorious for running up the score, which landed him the nickname "Seriously, another nickname?!" and twice scored over 100 points on an opponent in the 1926 season alone. Klum died in 1944 and the gymnasium on the Manoa campus now bears his name along with all but two of his 18 nicknames ("Otto-matic" and "Don't call me 'Heidi'".

Proc 'n Roll.

5) The yin to Klum's yang in the Hawaii coaching tree is without a doubt Fred Von Appen (1996-98) who left the school with a .138 win percentage and was also a member of the famous singing Swiss family from The Sound of Music. Von Appen managed just 5 wins in 3 years on the island and went a perfect 0-12 in his final year at the helm before being replaced by June Jones of surly-mustached-guy fame. Von Appen coached in various positions in the NFL and college after departing Hawaii before ultimately shutting his football Von Trappen for good in 2003 (any similarity to earlier Kwai Fong Yap joke is purely coincidental).

4) Hawaii running back Thomas Kaulukukui's number (32) is the only number to date that has been retired by the UH football program. Kaulukukui, (lord, I hope that's the last time I have to type that) was dubbed "Grass Shack" by legendary sportswriter Grantland Rice and it may be because of his Davey O'brien/Audie Murphy-esque physique. TK (flat refused to type it) was only 5'4" and weighed a whopping 145 lbs, but in a 1935 game against UCLA, he returned a kickoff 103 yards for a touchdown...probably by running through defenders' legs in a Little Giants-type montage with Yakety Sax playing in the background. Grantland Rice himself proclaimed it to be "the feel-good kickoff return of the year" and "dripping with whimsy".

A shack divided against itself cannot stand.