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Second Week BCS Rankings Explained (with Logic)

While it's true that there will be a four-game playoff in college football soon enough, we still have two more seasons of life with the BCS. Fear not, I say! For anyone who greets each weekly release of the BCS rankings with a resounding "huh?", I give you a foolproof explanation of how they have been reached. Of course, I will be referencing the pure wisdom that exists throughout the polling process and the infallibility of all of the computer rankings. On to the logic!

Kevin C. Cox

1. Team: Alabama Crimson Tide (7-0)

Last Week's Ranking: 1

Reason for being ranked this high:Another week, another top ranking for the Tide. Last week their victim was Tennessee, basically one of the doormats of the SEC over the last decade or so. As things stand now, Alabama seems to be well on their way to another MNCG (M=Mythical), even if they do drop a game along the way...that is unless they drop out of the top two of the SEC West. #thingsilearnedfromthe2011collegefootballseason

2. Team: Florida Gators (7-0)

Last Week's Ranking: 2

Reason for being ranked this high: For the second straight week, the computers ranked Florida as the number one team in the country, despite being from the paradoxically inferior, yet still mostly superior SEC East (for more information on paradoxes, rent Back to the Future Part 2...Great Scott!). Last week, the Gators manhandled South Carolina, knocking them out of the BCS Top Ten. Ah, Brent Pease, how we miss you...

Reason they aren't ranked higher: For the second straight week, the computers ranked Florida as the number one team in the country...and for the second straight week, the human voters didn't care.

3. Team: Kansas St. Wildcats (7-0)

Last Week's Ranking: 4

Reason for being ranked this high: Truly one of the biggest surprises of the season so far, the Wildcats improved their record to 7-0 with a beatdown of West Virginia. Geno Smith, say goodbye to your Heisman candidacy. The computers rank Kansas State second, right behind Florida.

Reason they aren't ranked higher: Many voters continue to confuse them with the 1-6 Kansas Jayhawks ("you mean to tell me there's another school in Kansas?).

4. Team: Oregon Ducks (7-0)

Last Week's Ranking: 3

Reason for being ranked this high: The Ducks remained undefeated by torching Arizona State and have not played a close game yet. They continue to burn out pixels on television sets everywhere with their uni combos. I recommend polarized lenses if you view an Oregon game.

Reason they aren't ranked higher: Despite being ranked #2 in the Coaches', AP, and Harris polls, the Ducks are down a spot in the BCS this week. As a Bronco fan, it's kind of refreshing watching someone else get punished after a win this it's Oregon, so that just makes it funny.

5. Team: Notre Dame Fighting Irish (7-0)

Last Week's Ranking: 5

Reason for being ranked this high: Media rejoice! When was the last time Notre Dame was relevant this late in the season? Not only did the Irish remain unbeaten with their win over BYU, they even managed to score offensive touchdowns. (Holds breath and prays not to be deported from Bronco Nation.)

Reason they aren't ranked higher: Voters are hedging their bets...even the luck of the Irish has to run out sometime.

6. Team: LSU Tigers (7-1)

Last Week's Ranking: 6

Reason for being ranked this high: Excluding Ohio State, LSU continues to be ranked ahead of five undefeated teams, despite having a loss on their record. Can someone please explain that whole thing about "protecting the integrity of college football's regular season" to me again? I think I'm missing something here...

Reason they aren't ranked higher:Some voters are opposed to ranking LSU too high this year because they feel it's morally wrong that the Tigers were willing to play a team of inebriated players in their third game this year.

7. Team: Oregon St. Beavers (6-0)

Last Week's Ranking: 8

Reason for being ranked this high: Oregon St. continued their improbable run last week, holding Utah to a measly seven points. The Beavers' ranking is helped by the computers, which have them fifth.

Reason they aren't ranked higher: Insert beaver joke here.

8. Team: Oklahoma Sooners (5-1)

Last week's ranking: 9

Reason for being ranked this high: Oklahoma retained their spot in the top ten by crushing Kansas. The Sooners, with one loss, remain ranked higher than four undefeated teams (not counting the Buckeyes) and twelve one-loss squads. I mean, who would you put here? Rutgers? Ha!

Reason they aren't ranked higher: For what it's worth, the human voters and machines seem to be at peace with one another this time, feeling that #8 is the perfect place for Oklahoma to be. Now if I could just get the copier at work to stop jamming all the time.

9. Team: USC Trojans (6-1)

Last week's ranking: 10

Reason for being ranked this high: The perfect boredom that proliferated through this week's Top Ten (I mean seriously, the only loser this week was South Carolina aka "the 'other' USC", and they were supposed to lose anyway) continued with the Trojans, who utterly destroyed Colorado last week. If money can't buy you love, at least it can buy you Pac-12 victories.

Reason they aren't ranked higher: Here are some other teams that beat Colorado this year: Colorado State, Fresno State, and lowly Sacramento State, currently the fifth place team in dUI's future conference. I don't care how much of a brand name you are, beating up on Colorado doesn't earn anyone respect at this point.

10. Team: Georgia Bulldogs (6-1)

Last week's ranking: 11

Reason for being ranked this high: Nevermind that Georgia only beat 1-7 Kentucky by five points...despite their inferior record, the Wildcats are still an SEC team and therefore it should be considered a "quality win", which is enough to boost Georgia into the BCS Top Ten. Also important here are BCS bylaws, which state: "The BCS Top Ten must include, at minimum, four SEC Teams." Look it up...I think it's on Page 1.

Reason they aren't ranked higher: Number 11 in the BCS just happens to be Mississippi State...and dogs travel in packs. \rimshot

Just missed the Top 10: Mississippi St. Bulldogs

Reason they aren't ranked higher: SEC bylaw #3: "Although all football played in the SEC is by its very nature superior to all, teams from Mississippi really don't count, unless it serves to boost strength of schedule for another SEC Team. SEC Speed!" (All SEC bylaws, according to bylaw #1, must include the phrase "SEC Speed.")