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An open letter to bittersweet victories

Dear bittersweet victories,

Thanks for sucking all the fun out of the room. And for double-dipping in the punch bowl. That is the last time we invite you over to watch a game.

Or is it? You've been a part of the past three weeks of our Boise State football experience. Ever since Utah's win over TCU, you have invited yourself over unannounced to rain on our parade. It is like you come over just to brood and sneer at guests while criticizing the hors d'oeuvres we made because you don't like pickles. Sorry, bittersweet victories. Our metrosexual friend Ted who doesn't get football already fills that role.

Starting with the Utah State game way back at the beginning of the month, we have had to take each Bronco victory with a grain of salt. Sure, they destroyed another bad WAC opponent, but what empty destructions those were. Instead of building anticipation with each victory, we built bitterness and dread over the impending emptiness of a perfect season.

Thanks for that, bittersweet victories. You're a real joy to have around. At this point, we wonder if it would be better to have your second cousin, deflating losses, stop by for a couple weeks. He was hospitable enough last season for the Broncos' games in Hawaii, and at least he was up front about his intentions.

You are just all kinds of horrible with your what-if's and your coulda-been's and your don't-fistpump-so-demonstrably-because-your-team-probably-isn't-making-a-BCS-bowl's. And speaking of the BCS, we've about had it with you two. Can you get a room or something? We're not sure if we can stand much more of your heavy petting and baby talk.

Really, if it wasn't for the BCS, you would be much less hurtful, BV. The Broncos are 11-0, WAC champions, and ranked among the Top Ten teams in all of college football, yet with no BCS automatic berth, each victory just becomes that much more meaningless. A spot in the Roady's Humanitarian Bowl does not pay out millions of dollars. Of this, you constantly remind us.

The Broncos are playing Fresno State on Friday, and we'd appreciate it if you would just leave everyone alone for one week and let us enjoy an undefeated season, an undisputed WAC title, and the college careers of a deserving senior class. In other words, no talk about BSU versus Ohio State for a BCS spot, no reminding us of how Utah scored big because it plays in a tougher conference, and definitely no mention of the Orange Bowl.

Can you handle all that, bittersweet victories?

Of course you can't.

Well, at least lay off the hors d'oeuvres.