Going to Eugene this weekend to watch the Broncos game? Have you packed your mace?
We're concerned for the well-being of the brave Boise State football fans who are risking life, limb, and ridicule of their mothers to see the Broncos play in person. Autzen is a scary place to visit, especially if you're not wearing tacky neon yellow. The Ducks' stadium is known as one of the toughest places in America to play, and it will be a-rocking on Saturday.
Be careful, Bronco fans. We'd hate to turn on the news tomorrow night and see that the "Whose House?" guy was tarred and feathered on the bronze statue of Dan Fouts sitting in downtown Eugene.
We'd hate for any harm to befall any of you. If we remember anything from our trips into enemy territory for Bronco away games, it is that opposing fans are mean, they assume untrue things about your relationship with potatoes, and their vocabularies are crudely monosyllabic. (Note to UW fans: "monosyllabic" means "one syllable," and "syllable" means... oh, never mind.)
No doubt that at some point on Saturday, a Bronco fan will be accosted verbally, physically, or emotionally, and we wish more than anything that we could be there right beside you with a witty comeback. Unfortunately, this will not be the case as we will be safely tucked away in our home and we don't think of witty comebacks until hours and sometimes days after the fact.
But you know what? More power to you for representing the Broncos and for taking the ridicule and persecution like a man (or woman)(or creepy horse mascot). Go ahead and wear your Marty Tadman replica jersey to dinner at Eugene's finest steakhouse. Who cares if the maitre d' thinks you're a hick? Be proud of that hastily-created BSU anagram sign you made. So what if a Duck fan purposefully spills beer on it? Feel free to start the "Boise....State!" cheer in your section of four Bronco fans. Actually, on second thought, don't do that. That would be embarrassing.
Just whatever you do, make sure you come back to Boise in one piece. And don't cross the Oregon Duck mascot.