Dear Graham Watson,
We hoped this day would never come. We hoped against all hope that we could fix what went wrong between us, that things didn't have to be the way they were. We hoped you would be interesting and relevant and Bronco-centric with your ESPN blog. We hoped you were different.
But as the past few weeks have shown us, you are just like the rest of them. You are Adam Rittenberg in women's clothes. You are Phil Steele with a weave. You've gone down a road that so many others before you have taken - a road marked with groupthink, generalities, and Fresno State adultery. And now it's come to this...
We are breaking up with you.
Don't call us. Don't text us. And don't write an obligatory Marty Tadman post just to win us back. It's not happening. You had your chance to win us over, and all you did was trample on our hearts with some poorly researched blog posts. And don't think for a second that we would take you back; we've moved on. We're already seeing Dr. Saturday.
If you want to know what sent us over the edge, you need to look no further than yesterday's post. Did you really think we wouldn't notice the blatant disregard for our feelings? You made a list of five WAC predictions and not a single one of them involved a) Kellen Moore winning the Heisman, b) Boise State going undefeated, or c) University of Idaho jokes. Seriously? We don't even know you any more.
Let us point out the mistakes you made in yesterday's post so that next time you get an adoring fan, you won't screw up that relationship, too.
Fresno State will win the WAC
We suspected that you were cheating on us, but with Fresno State? They are the WAC's big-chested blonde with no personality. Good luck holding a conversation over a candlelit dinner at the Melting Pot! You homewrecker!
You know how to cut to the core, Graham Watson. Taking a shot at the Broncos is taking a shot at our heart. You know that. Remember our conversation after your preseason non-BCS power rankings? You might as well have said, "The Broncos play like Sallies," and it wouldn't have hurt us any more.
But we're not through with this one just yet. Exactly who do you think will beat Boise State at home? Louisiana Tech? Bowling Green? Utah State? Oh, it's Fresno State, isn't it. You disgust us.
We hated it when you would talk about Nevada, especially when you knew it bothered us. That 69-67 game made us very sensitive! Picking them as a sleeper is pretty ridiculous, but picking their quarterbacks as the "best quarterbacking tandem in the country"? Now that's just plain wrong.
You know better than to pick the Aggies to advance to a bowl game. Do you not remember when we talked about the Air Raid offense? You never listen!
Need we say more?
We could go on and on about the other wounds you've inflicted during our relationship, but you know what they are. Things have never been the same since Pat Hill and Co. sauntered through the WAC media convention and winked the terrible wink of unfaithfulness in your direction. You seem distant. You don't look at us the same way. You barely even notice when we stroke your ego with trackbacks.
So we're through. We've packed up all your things, and we don't plan on seeing you again. Have fun fooling around with whatever popular WAC team catches your fancy, but don't expect them to have the same loyalty, passion, and commitment that we did.
You had your chance, Graham Watson, and you blew it. Enjoy the single life.
Ps. Thank you to our good friend Phil Dailey for helping us see the light.