It's April 1st. Let's get this over with.

It's become a bit of a web tradition of late to post outrageous news items or do whatever google does every year on April 1st…because there are still gullible people out there, apparently and no one bothers to check the timestamp when their 68 year-old Aunt Agnes changes her Facebook status to "expecting". Well, we certainly don't want OBNUG to be left out of the annual hi-jinks but know our readers are much to smart and adept to take our faux news as the real deal. Therefore, I'm just going to get all the April Fool's spirit out of my system and post all the news briefs I would have posted if I actually believed I could've fooled anyone with them. If any of the following do fool you, Mr. T pities you.

Change of tune

Due to fan outcry, Boise State's fight song lyrics have been officially changed to simply:

clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap
Go! Orange!
Go! big! blue!
Fight! Fight! B-S-U!

Stadium naming rights finally granted

Since March of 2007, Boise State has sought a wealthy booster or company to purchase naming rights for what was formerly known as Bronco Stadium. For seven years, the $10 million price tag scared off scores of interested parties, but no more—Boise State has finally granted naming rights to the iconic stadium and starting this Fall, Bronco fans will gather to root on our team at Playtex Stadium. Playtex® is the maker of disposable gloves and nothing else that I am aware.

A dome of our own

At the most recent State Board meeting, Boise State was granted permission to form an exploratory committee to look into the viability of enclosing Playtex Stadium in a full dome. The school has no date currently set for the change, but are hopeful the bidding process can begin as early as August with construction beginning by Spring of 2015. There are many domed football stadiums within the U.S. and they provide a comfortable year-round venue for sports of all types—unfortunately, travel costs have thus far prevented trustees from inspecting the more prestigious domed venues, so the only stadiums they've been granted access to were Holt Arena in Pocatello and the Kibbie Dome in Moscow. Right now, the Kibbie Dome's plans most closely align with the size and orientation of Boise State's stadium and one contractor, Fred Thomas explained

"all it would take to bring the grandeur of the Kibbie Dome to Boise is taking out 15 or 20,000 seats, installing an outdated air conditioning system that makes the venue stuffy and smelling like socks, and then have the fire marshall cap stadium attendance at 8,000—should be a piece of cake."

Poach Pete?

Former Bronco head coach Chris Petersen famously lured a good portion of the Broncos 2014 recruiting class to Washington after his departure in December—leaving Bryan Harsin's new staff precious little time to find replacements before National Signing Day. Regardless, Harsin and staff were able to pull off a very respectable class even in the short time frame, but now Chris Petersen, or "Poach Pete" as some have come to call him, has struck again—luring Bronco legend Lyle Smith to Montlake. "The 'Father of Bronco Football' is now the father of Washington football", Petersen announced at a press conference on Tuesday. The 98 year-old coach and former AD was won over by the fireplace in Petersen's office but also compared schools' academics at the prompting of Pete Kwiatkowski. "I hold Boise State in the highest regard", Smith said, "but Pete has shown me that they also must be destroyed at any cost".

Ajayi benches self

Bronco star running back Jay Ajayi has benched himself for the 2014 football season in protest over lack of pickle juice in the locker rooms and on the sidelines. The principled stand comes on the heels of Boise State equipment manager Dale Holste banning all pickle jars from the Bleymeier complex and informing the team that pickled goods will no longer be permitted on the sidelines before, during or after games. "Not even okra", Holste said. Ajayi was pickle-powered to the All-MWC first team last season after a 1,425 yard, 18 TD campaign and was expected to be the central offensive weapon on this year's new-look Bronco offense. When pressed, Ajayi didn't completely rule out playing this season, but has demanded that the athletic department negotiate before he'll even consider a return. "Right now, their compromise to me was sauerkraut", Ajayi said, "that's unacceptable".

Hip new duds

Always at the cutting edge of football fashion, the Broncos unveiled new home unis for the 2014 season on Monday with a much more streamlined, hip look. The new uniforms were designed by Nordstrom and evoke a "fun, playful side". The sweaters were double-knitted to provide extra padding but are still "light and breathable". Screen_shot_2014-04-01_at_10

The passing of a legend

Venerable old-timey sports writer Melvin Q. Marsh died Tuesday night surrounded by his typewriters. He was 135. Before Marsh died he asked that long-time pals Harry Greb, Cool Papa Bell, Jess Willard and Moredecai "Three Finger" Brown bear his casket—sadly, all preceded him in death by at least 20 years.

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