Kellen Moore hate week has arrived!
by Drew Roberts on Feb 22, 2012 10:00 AM PST
in Boise State football
Email
Print
The NFL scouting combine begins today in earnest and fortunes will be made and lost in tenths-of-a-second intervals over a 40-yard span. The Broncos are sending a record 7 participants to Indianapolis to participate and some are expected to turn heads with their size, speed and strength. One is not. The one named 'Kellen Moore'.
We all know this and have known it for some time. Kellen is short for an elite quarterback, doesn't have a cannon arm, doesn't run particularly fast, and is something called "left handed"—but he's elite all the same. The scouts and the tagalongs will focus on the first four this week and utterly ignore that last bit. Get used to it and get ready for it.
After the jump, I've provided a helpful list of Kellen Moore knocks for haterz and quasi-analysts out there. Feel free to copy and paste for your one-dimensional Kellen Moore evaluations. OBNUGers...if you find a particularly awesome bit of KM hate please post in the comments. It's a one-stop repository for short-sighted (see what I did there?) Kellen Moore evals!
Synonyms for "short":
- deficient
- exiguous
- failing
- inadequate
- lacking
- limited
- meager
- scant
- skimpy
- wanting
- lilliputian
ex: "Kellen Moore is so exiguous, he needs a ladder to pick strawberries."
A few "Kellen Moore is so slow" jokes
Kellen Moore is so slow, the Chariots of Fire theme music plays when he walks.
Kellen Moore is so slow it takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
Kellen Moore is so slow his summer job is gathering moss.
Kellen Moore is so slow they'll be hand-timing his 40. Both hands.
Kellen Moore is so slow that zombies pass him on the street.
Kellen Moore is so slow, he came in third in a two-man race.
Famous "lefties"
President James A. Garfield (terrible quarterback)
Napolean Bonaparte (terrible quarterback)
Helen Keller (decent quarterback)
Fidel Castro (communist)
List of things Kellen Moore's arm is weaker than
- Everything
Goals for Kellen Moore for the week
- Build awesome gingerbread house.
- Get Ryan Lindley's autograph.
- Display weight room results by being able to complete 10-yard pass.
- Upgrade from "noodle armed" to "taffy armed".
- Really enjoy the experience of being close to so many talented people.
Current QB ranking
12th best, by CBS Sports, 4 spots below hero Ryan Lindley and 3 spots behind a guy from Chattanooga. (that high??)
Best Kellen Moore tweet thus far
50 comments
|
0 recs |
Do you like this story?
Comments
haha!
There is one thing you must know, he is not really left handed.
by Rand McNalley on Feb 22, 2012 10:04 AM PST reply actions 3 recs
That's right!
Early on he realized the other kids would not play with him due to the hand and chest bruises, so he switched hands so the world could catch his passes…millions of them.
Kellen is not short, he is altitudinally challenged.
He is not slow…he is so smart his brain slows the world down…so we can try to keep up. We mortals lack the frame of reference to see his speed. Its a dimensional physics thing Senior probably understands.
He is not a runner – he can kill you too many ways to waste time running. Running is for QB’s who can’t make the right decision the first time.
His teeth are too big…too much smiling going on…like right after he kills you…or right before. Be afraid.
by HSridge on Feb 22, 2012 10:12 AM PST up reply actions 5 recs
I love your runner comment!
“Running is for QB’s who can’t make the right decision the first time.” Brilliant!
"Gandhi didn't take a knee, Martin Luther King didn't take a knee, Thomas Edison didn't take a knee, and I sure as hell am not going to take a knee." -- Dan Hawkins
Apparently my computer thinks that "rec" means "flag"
Of course, this does appear to be some sort of bizzaro post where good players are mocked, so maybe my computer is getting into the gag too?
by ninjamonkey1 on Feb 22, 2012 2:20 PM PST up reply actions
'Tain't just yours. Everybody's computer does that. Be patient, 'cause it'll record correctly.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they, too, have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit.
Thanks Chief
I was worried there for a minute.
by ninjamonkey1 on Feb 22, 2012 6:32 PM PST up reply actions
"I give you my word as a Spaniard!"
“No good, I’ve known too many Spaniards.”
by Future_Demagogue on Feb 22, 2012 2:26 PM PST up reply actions
kellen Moore is an obscene grotesque and all out insulting excuse for a quarterback.
the fact that he was a ncaa caliber who shows how far we’ve fallen as a healthy and strong sports society.
"Natty Light: For when you absolutely, positively have to knock uglies with a corn-fed co-ed from the opposing school who’s half your age." -- jonfmorse
by greekpadre on Feb 22, 2012 10:06 AM PST via Android app reply actions
Blasphe
I'm the 12 th man its my job its my duty.
by Dothework on Feb 22, 2012 10:11 AM PST via mobile reply actions
Blasphemie I say
But if we do this in jest, here I go. Kellen is slow he has replaced molasses , " Your slower then Kellen Moore." Please forgive me ole great one.
I'm the 12 th man its my job its my duty.
by Dothework on Feb 22, 2012 10:15 AM PST via mobile up reply actions
About those 50 wins
He did not win…the other team lost, all the time.
by HSridge on Feb 22, 2012 10:13 AM PST reply actions 7 recs
Yep. That's a keeper. :)
"Grateful to the friends and the circumstances that enabled me to be a Bronco. I'm just glad I lived to see these days." SeniorChief
The big problem with his height...
Is that I can’t see him in the huddle. What’s he doing in there, making sammiches? Plotting the demise of Vandulls via double rainbow-shooting finger pistols? Telling his teammates exactly what the defense is going to do because he’s watched hundreds of hours of film and knows the other teams defense better than they do? These questions don’t exist with Andrew Luck, because you can see him all the time. That, and he can’t figure out how to use the VCR to watch game film.
by ninjamonkey1 on Feb 22, 2012 10:19 AM PST reply actions 3 recs
Kellen Moore's physique is so "diminutive"
by Grindhouse on Feb 22, 2012 10:45 AM PST reply actions 1 recs
I'm a Kellen Moore birther
We demand to see the birth certificate!
by Drew Roberts on Feb 22, 2012 10:49 AM PST up reply actions 3 recs
Clearly he was born in a Pygmy society
"Nobody likes it"
"I'm tired of even the BCS name"
"The whole thing needs to be changed."
-Coach Pete on the BCS.
by NYBroncosFan on Feb 22, 2012 12:35 PM PST up reply actions
Card Him.
The first photo of Kellen to surface from the combine will be him showing his ID to a radom GM.
by bluandorange_in_SLC on Feb 22, 2012 2:54 PM PST up reply actions 1 recs
the same conpetition andy reid won??
by statue_left on Feb 22, 2012 11:51 AM PST via iPhone app up reply actions
"Size doesn't matter"
That’s what SHE said.
"Kellen Moore has shown the difference between best in the SEC & and best in the Nation" - pjohn56
"I'm tired of even the BCS name" Coach Petersen
by bluebyeu on Feb 22, 2012 11:02 AM PST reply actions 1 recs
Warning: Nerdy reference
Kellen Moore was originally considered for the role of Tyrion Lannister in HBO’s “Game of Thrones” but it was decided he was too short and physically awkward.
by Blue and Orange on Feb 22, 2012 11:41 AM PST reply actions
Instead they cast Peter Dinklage
AKA “My Favorite Dwarf Actor”
"Nobody likes it"
"I'm tired of even the BCS name"
"The whole thing needs to be changed."
-Coach Pete on the BCS.
by NYBroncosFan on Feb 22, 2012 12:37 PM PST up reply actions
How many dwarf actors do you know of?
My list begins and ends with Dinklage.
by Drew Roberts on Feb 22, 2012 1:11 PM PST up reply actions
Well done.
Forgot about Danny Devito too.
by Drew Roberts on Feb 22, 2012 1:45 PM PST up reply actions
Kramer's buddy?
Robert Reich?
Time is the great equalizer.
by kcam on Feb 22, 2012 2:14 PM PST up reply actions 1 recs
Whenever I'm watching something and Peter Dinklage appears on screen I start singing a song about him called "My Favorite Dwarf Actor"
True story…I really did create said song. Now I’ve probably said too much.
"Nobody likes it"
"I'm tired of even the BCS name"
"The whole thing needs to be changed."
-Coach Pete on the BCS.
by NYBroncosFan on Feb 23, 2012 5:28 AM PST up reply actions
Kellen Can't Throw!
But how many “long” hand offs did he make for touchdowns. I think he fumbled it for 43 touchdowns last year. In fact his fumbles were so slow, so short the other teams could only recover it nine times all season. He fumbles rainbows for sixty yards that anybody can catch except other teams.
The only thing the BCS has to fear, is fear itself, and Blue is the color of fear.
Where on the list is the part about how he's not an A-hole?
I always assumed that was a necessary attribute for the prototypical quarterback.
"Nobody likes it"
"I'm tired of even the BCS name"
"The whole thing needs to be changed."
-Coach Pete on the BCS.
“SEC troll”-hey, even i could win 50 games against south-western idaho state community college
by statue_left on Feb 22, 2012 3:39 PM PST via iPhone app reply actions 1 recs
I love these lack of competition arguments...
There once was a kid who played running back for a small 1AA school in Mississippi called Jackson State. The kid was good, but of course, he didn’t play good competition. It was 1AA after all.
Somebody decided to give the kid a shot in the pros. He was drafted in the later rounds. Eventually the kid “grew up” and came to be known as “Sweetness”. And now his #34 jersey is retired by the Bears, he has a slot in the Hall of Fame and is considered by many to be the greatest running back of time. Enough said.
"Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man." -The Dude
"If you're always worried that something could blow up on you, you're not going to push the envelope and not going to try new things. Some of the stuff does blow up on us, but the tradeoff is the problems we're creating for defenses when it works." -Chris Petersen
by BroncoInDuckLand on Feb 22, 2012 4:17 PM PST via mobile up reply actions 3 recs
Not to mention Jerry Rice
Who also “never played anyone.”
by Drew Roberts on Feb 22, 2012 5:38 PM PST up reply actions 5 recs
Come on, compare him to a player that played "real" competition...
Like JaMarcus Russell. A fine example of how the almighty ESS-E-SEE produces better athletes than us lowly non-aq conferences. But the post does ask people to pretend to troll Kellen, so well done, statue_left
by ninjamonkey1 on Feb 22, 2012 6:37 PM PST up reply actions 1 recs
Of course,
that probably just means they never really played anyone in the NFL, too. Rice and Payton were a couple of hacks.
"Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man." -The Dude
"If you're always worried that something could blow up on you, you're not going to push the envelope and not going to try new things. Some of the stuff does blow up on us, but the tradeoff is the problems we're creating for defenses when it works." -Chris Petersen
by BroncoInDuckLand on Feb 23, 2012 8:58 AM PST up reply actions
there are probably more HOFers that played in a non AQ conference
then there are HOFers who won the heisman.
by statue_left on Feb 24, 2012 3:30 AM PST via iPhone app up reply actions
Lighten up people, were not taking this stuff seriously,
come on- south-western idaho state community college for the sisters of the poor, is funny. Isn’t that the idea of this post, to desensitizes us for the crap were gonna hear about Kellen from the combine?
If you ever wanted to see Boise St play...may be a good chance. Love em or Hate em, they are always interesting; and now, no matter where you live, "They're Coming To Your City"
Helen Keller was a terrible QB
Sure she had a decent arm but she called the same play every time… I’m not even sure wa-wa is a real play. She had a hard time reading defenses. Her blindside was ultimately her downfall.
"Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man." -The Dude
"If you're always worried that something could blow up on you, you're not going to push the envelope and not going to try new things. Some of the stuff does blow up on us, but the tradeoff is the problems we're creating for defenses when it works." -Chris Petersen
by BroncoInDuckLand on Feb 22, 2012 4:10 PM PST via mobile reply actions
oh you...
are naughty. Lol
"Grateful to the friends and the circumstances that enabled me to be a Bronco. I'm just glad I lived to see these days." SeniorChief
by boiseblues on Feb 22, 2012 6:11 PM PST via mobile up reply actions 1 recs
Your post makes me want to love you or hate you
Not sure which…
"Nobody likes it"
"I'm tired of even the BCS name"
"The whole thing needs to be changed."
-Coach Pete on the BCS.
by NYBroncosFan on Feb 23, 2012 10:21 AM PST up reply actions
Ah hell
They said Billy Kilmer was too old and had no arm when he took the Redskins to the SuperBowl and an 11-3 record.
Kellen Moore's arm is so weak,
he has to have his teammates put his helmet on for him.
Kellen Moore is so diminutive, he makes mini-me look like the Incredible Hulk.
Kellen Moore lacks athleticism and stamina. That’s why he only played the first half of most of his games. And also, you can’t credit him with all 50 of those wins when he played so little time in those games.
On a more serious note: Moore is only good because he played high school teams. No seriously, it was 11 on 1. He blocked for himself, caught his own passes and played defense and special teams. He did it every Friday night in preparation for his Saturday games. True story.
"Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man." -The Dude
"If you're always worried that something could blow up on you, you're not going to push the envelope and not going to try new things. Some of the stuff does blow up on us, but the tradeoff is the problems we're creating for defenses when it works." -Chris Petersen
by BroncoInDuckLand on Feb 23, 2012 9:07 AM PST reply actions
Bluebyeu designed a helmet for the lilliputian Kellen to wear...
by Drew Roberts on Feb 23, 2012 1:52 PM PST reply actions 3 recs
and it is a good thing the control handle is on the left..
so he can throw with his right hand to keep the pretense of a level playing field with his nfl opponents.
"Grateful to the friends and the circumstances that enabled me to be a Bronco. I'm just glad I lived to see these days." SeniorChief
a recent conversation
S: “I’m rooting for the kid, but I just don’t think he has the physical tools to make it in the NFL.”
R: “We don’t either, but we saw him at his first press conference and we were terrified because of those same stats, that same dorky face, that same left handedness. Then we watched Kellen become the winning-est quarterback in the history of college football. Now we feel the terror again- and we wait with baited breath the next chapter in this unlikely and astounding story.”
by Richard Frazier on Feb 23, 2012 6:31 PM PST reply actions
Nothing a little mouthwash wouldn't cure ;-)
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they, too, have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit.
by SeniorChief on Feb 23, 2012 11:31 PM PST up reply actions
I knew you couldn't resist that. :) But the jig is up.
Richard sort of lured you into that. And you fell for it hook, line, and sinker. At least some troll didn’t come along and snag it before you bit.
"Grateful to the friends and the circumstances that enabled me to be a Bronco. I'm just glad I lived to see these days." SeniorChief
Hook, line, and STINKER
Oh, your puns, your puns! Keep ’em coming, RaPUNzel!
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they, too, have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit.
by SeniorChief on Feb 24, 2012 12:07 AM PST up reply actions
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
User Tools
Related FanPosts on One Bronco Nation Under God
Related FanShots on One Bronco Nation Under God
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
Recommended FanPosts
Recent FanPosts
FanShots
Quick hits of video, photos, quotes, chats, links and lists that you find around the web.
Recommended FanShots
Recent FanShots
2012 Boise State Football Schedule
@ Michigan State  |
Fri 08/31 | 6:00 p.m. MT |
| Miami (OH) | Sat 09/15 | 2:00 p.m. MT |
| BYU |
Thu 09/20 | TBA |
| @ New Mexico | Sat 09/29 | TBA |
| @ Southern Miss | Sat 10/06 | TBA |
| Fresno State | Sat 10/13 | 1:30 p.m. MT |
| UNLV | Sat 10/20 | 1:30 p.m. MT |
| @ Wyoming |
Sat 10/27 | 1:30 p.m. MT |
| San Diego State | Sat 11/03 | 8:30 p.m. MT |
| @ Hawaii | Sat 11/10 | 5:00 p.m. MT |
| Colorado St. | Sat 11/17 | 1:30 p.m. MT |
| @ Nevada | Sat 12/1 | TBA |
