Seventh Week BCS Rankings Explained (with Logic)

Kirby Lee-US PRESSWIRE

While it's true that there will be a four-game playoff in college football soon enough, we still have two more seasons of life with the BCS. Fear not, I say! For anyone who greets each weekly release of the BCS rankings with a resounding "huh?", I give you a foolproof explanation of how they have been reached. Of course, I will be referencing the pure wisdom that exists throughout the polling process and the infallibility of all of the computer rankings. On to the logic!

Note: With the season winding down and half of the BCS [Mythical] Championship Game set, I've decided to focus this week's mockery analysis on the top three teams, i.e. the only ones with a chance to break hold the crystal football at this point. I promise that this abbreviated version has nothing to do with poor time management on my part. Really. Next week, I will write my last BCS Rankings article of the season with a focus on the Bowls, BCS and otherwise. Hopefully someone is still reading this by then.

1. Notre Dame Fighting Irish (12-0)

Last week's ranking: 1

Reason for being ranked this high: Well, they did it. The Irish made it all the way through the entire season without slipping up along the way and are the last non Ohio State team that can say that. I don't think anyone could have foreseen that. Doesn't it always seem as if they start off 4-0, only to end up with a 7-5 record when it's all said and done? So now Notre Dame shall receive its reward of being unmercifully destroyed by a NFL-like, 'roided up (redundant?) gaggle of SEC Speed freaks. The only question is, will it be...

2. Alabama Crimson Tide (11-1)

Last Week's Ranking: 2

Reason for being ranked this high: Seriously...did anyone really think that Alabama wouldn't be going to the SEC Championship Game with a chance to play their way into the MNCG? Sure, we had our Kansas States and Oregons there to allow us the brief opportunity to dream of an SEC-less end to the season, but we should have realized they were mere mirages. Alabama has the opportunity to complete a second straight one-loss season if they win out, boring us all with their "superiority". Well, at least LSU isn't in the game.

Reason they aren't ranked higher: Apparently there was a recent movie pitch in Hollywood for a "Rudy" remake, except that it would take place at Alabama, the lead character would be a five star recruit who mysteriously is able to afford a new Mercedes-Benz, and the film would be re-dubbed "Cletus". As much as this new version is much more realistic than the original, no one thought it was a very good idea. Take what you will from this.

3. Georgia Bulldogs (11-1)

Last Week's Ranking: 3

Reason for being ranked this high: Computers be damned. Florida was actually the second highest rated team in the computer rankings, just behind Notre Dame...as many have pointed out all year they certainly had the most "big" wins. Not that it matters one iota, of course. Georgia was able to win the head-to-head game and therefore took the SEC East crown and the hearts of the mostly clueless Coaches' and Harris Poll voters. Let's all hope that the Bulldogs find a way to upset the Tide in the SEC Championship Game on Saturday, so that we can conveniently apply the always questionable "Transitive Property of College Football" and point out that Boise State beat this year's eventual BCS Champ last year, and therefore we should be considered National Champions. It must might work.

Reason they aren't ranked higher: I want to hear from at least one person who doesn't think this weekend's SEC showdown is going to be a total BW-storm. Just one...

Stay tuned for next week's inevitable thrilling conclusion...

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