Tribute to the Seniors

So this week is the last Boise State Home game of the year, which means 2 things: no football in Boise (that matters) until next August, and Senior Night! Unless they decide to have that in Nevada. Vegas is somewhat nearby, so you never know!

In this final home game of the 2012 season, there are a few things I would like to see. I still am hoping Boise wears all blue uniforms, just to symbolically slap the Mountain West! I still don't get how that could be a distinct advantage for Boise. If you can't see a 300+ pound man running full speed at you, regardless of what he's wearing, you shouldn't be playing football. Unless he's wearing an invisibility cloak. But knowing the NCAA, that's probably a recruiting violation.

On a semi-serious note, I would love to see Michael Atkinson and Mitch Burroughs play this week. I know Atkinson tore his ACL recently, but hey, if it can snow in Baghdad, why can't Canadian Bacon's knee heal in time? Miracles do happen, just ask the Russians!


Patriotic BURN!!

I don't know if either of them will be able to, but I really hope they can play at least 1 more game on blue turf.

Anyhoo, as a tribute to the departing senior class, I did some research and found some cool facts about the players. Some facts may be true, some might be exaggeration of the facts for comedic reasons. But, I'll keep it as real as possible.

February 3, 1954:

Future Boise State runningback DJ Harper is born.

April 22, 1998

Grant Wistrom is drafted by the St. Louis Rams. After retiring, Wistrom decided he wanted to do it all over again as a tight end, so 2 years later he enrolls at Boise State under the alias "Chandler Koch". I'm onto you, Chandler!

August 15, 1999

While in the 4th grade, some unsuspecting kid stole Dan Paul's pudding. Paul pancaked him 7 feet into the ground, which lead to the discovery of his true calling in life as a fullback.

December 31, 1999

In fear of Y2K, Mitch Burroughs left to hide in the foothills of North Dakota, only to discover the state doesn't exist. Don't believe me? Here is a site dedicated to the truth.

April 2nd, 2001

Brenel Myers beats Sub-Zero on Mortal Kombat on his first try. I thought that was impossible!


March 15, 2003

With Tommy Smith's approval, Hu Jintao becomes the President of the People's Republic of China. I'm not sure why he decides that, but he always seems to know who's about to get kicked off "The Voice"...

May 26, 2003

Faraji Wright develops his hatred towards Will Ferrell for stealing his movie screenplay about an Anchorman named "Ron Burgundy". Ferrell apologized, and told Faraji that he would give him credit for the sequel. He won't.

October 22, 2005

Drew Wright attempted the 1 pound burger challenge at Big Jud's. He not only ate it, but ate a second as well! Drew was a little chubbier back then...

February 27, 2007

Darren Koontz and Greg Grimes were trying to hack into another player's World of Warcraft account, but it goes in the wrong direction. They accidentally messed up the Chinese and European economic growth reports, causing stock market problems. Oops. But they're cool, so it's alright.

January 4, 2010

Michael Ames has a moment all men dream of having. Bravo Michael, bravo.


April 26-May 4, 2010

Jerrell Gavins was missing. His family said that he was going somewhere in Pakistan, but wasn't sure why. Coincidentally, that was the same week Osama Bin Laden was killed!

September 29, 2010

Dextrell Simmons, looking for some change in his life, decides to give up his night-life as a masked vigilante to enroll at Boise State.

So there's some history. I may have added a few things, but for the most part it's all true. Really. Now how about some predictions?

April 25, 2013

Joe Kellog is drafted by the Cincinnati Bengals, mostly because he's a red-head.

Images_mediumAndy Dalton, via

Images_mediumCarson Palmer, via

EcwslwyxcolowbqJoe Kellog, via

Stevie Wonder says the Bengals got "Ginger Fever"

September 1st, 2014

Tired of being a small kicker, Michael Frisina tries an experimental drug. He now weighs 245 pounds. He joins Doug Martin in Tampa Bay, where they become the "Bruise Brothers". Kellen Moore is about to sign a $500 million deal to join the Buccaneers, but Roger Goodell forbids it, cause he's a fun-killer.

November 15, 2015

Michael Atkinson, who spent years trying to find an explanation for his big and fast body, discovers he was adopted. His biological father is Fat Albert.

October 27th, 2016

Jamar Taylor snaps on Sunday Night Football when Chris Collinsworth accidentally calls him "Jamal". Oh Chris, didn't you know Brock Osweiler did the same thing in the Vegas Bowl last year?

June 5th, 2021

David Cushing, Chris Roberson, Josh Borgman, Tyler Jackson, and Hazen Moss might not have had as good careers as some of the other seniors, but that's because they spent their time in college working on the greatest music album of all time. It rivals the all time greats, including Thriller and Dark Side of the Moon. It's quick rise to fame puts Gangnam Style to shame, and the money they make after it's finally released makes Richie Rich look poor. With the money, the 5 former Boise State players buy Catalina Island, secede from the US, and rename the new nation "Jenga-stan". Unfortunately, an earthquake levels Jenga-stan.

June 16th, 2030

After starting a successful taxidermy business, Chris Potter is selected as the US Secretary of Agriculture. He continues to show off his versatility by becoming the Pope.

February 3rd, 2047

After a solid 33 years in the NFL, DJ Harper is finally forced into retirement after the world discovers he's actually a cyborg. He later saves John Connor's life, so it isn't all bad.

May 8th, 2050

J.C. Percy discovers the cure for cancer, which didn't surprise me. His colleague rushes to the patent office to claim it as his own, but gets hit for a loss by Percy. Old man Percy's still got it!

So that's some things that will happen. They're not predictions, they're facts. All of them. No exaggerations. It'll all happen. Or did happen....

Well, I hope you enjoyed my research and now have something to talk to these players about if you ever run into them. But seriously, I hope they enjoyed their time at Boise as much as us fans.

This ones for you, Seniors!

This content was not created by OBNUG and therefore may not meet our standards. On the contrary, it probably exceeds them.

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