FanPost

Notso True Grit, V1(ed.1)

In an attempt to occupy the time between live Bronco football dates, latest and up-coming, i offer an emerging series that seeks to occupy the OBNUG collective's fancies.  Without further ado...

                Remember those beer (can I say the ‘BW’iesrTM name [pun intended]?) TV and radio commercials that lampooned the uber-serious sports fan?  You know, the guy/s who always went to extremes to show how sophisticatedly machoistic and/or suave they were about how they honored their teams?  But they really came off as the guy who just nearly and accidentally escaped death, censorship (don’t touch that, Drew), the Las Vegas Sherriff Dept., or recording on a Tosh O. segment—but never ever escaped ridicule, scorn, derision, or the title of stupidest-albeit-happiest-moron-in-the-world.  Those were the days, right?  Whatever happened to young creative talent and good honest sarcastic journalism, eh?

Well, pine no more you wheelchair-jockeys!  You can relive some of that lost feeling and quit playing those faded reels in your head during bathtime with nurse Mildred.  Just like the “kids” in Cocoon I & II, you can jump in the water of the past with Steve Guttenberg (sorry!) and /revert/grow young again in your mind as you follow along with this OBNUG version and exorcise some frequent /trolls/heroes from some competing SB Nation sites.  If you’re ever feeling the strain of slogging through yet another paragraph from some outside blogster that just doesn’t get the fact that the Broncos will roll over all their teams this season, as in every season, or if you’re a lurker who just can’t work up the courage to commit to going public with your support but cheer on the glorious champions of the OBNUG coliseum that do, then here’s your vicarious opportunity to join the royal Triumvirate (Drew, Kevin, & Nick) and point your thumbs up or down after each /jest/ joust.

So, with a gravelly voice tickling your ears and a schmaltzy brass tune wafting in the background…here’s your first in the parade of /trolls/ opposing gladiators from the other side of OBNUG arena!

HERE’S TO YOU, Mr. …

WANNABEMORE THANJUSTATOAD—Ben Findley

                When your team inexplicably gets an inexorable amount of media love in broadcast sports discussions despite being kicked out of the premier state and regional football league decades ago… when your team has an inflated top-10 rating despite routinely losing head-to-head games against better teams… when you hop from conference to conference hoping to find that magic kiss to turn you into that perfect prince… when red-hair is almost trendy at your neighborhood HEB… when your teams’ felonies are adjudicated time after time after time while your Alumni Assoc account is re-configured daily… when your first two meta-carpals are permanently hooked into a mock blood-ejecting lizard pose…when your boot size is almost as big as your mouth…

                You keep coming on a site and posting unwarranted blogs, fending off facts, referencing royal roots, and denying /attempted /blatant TV-pandering by your coach.  You don’t let silly things like numbers or a backwards geographical location get in the way of why your team should again and always be the only team to ever matter in your state, the only “true country that matters in the world”, even if it never secedes.  You just keep cajoling your way back into someone else’s conversation and interject your “reality” in their “fantasy”.  You just keep amblin’ back into the saloon sayin’ things like “howdy” and “yall” and “sho-nuff” like there’s nuthin’-ta-fret-about…while your pattin-down other’s excitement or opinions or pleasure in their own team, and back-handedly puttin-down the team from the site you’ve spent so much effort to find and invade.   Even if your posts are faintly entertaining, even if they are frequently offensive, even if your homerism accusations are in direct proportion to your own homeristic tendencies…you provide them free of charge to those who really don’t want to hear it.

HERE’S TO YOU, MR. WANNABEMORETHANATOADMAN…these meta-carpals are for you!!

                                                           \I|II

Next up…

CAN’TSEEMTOKEEPMYDAWGINMYPOCKET—First&Thorn

The information above is purely opinion and does not necessarily reflect the opinion or the position of this website as it is intended only as smack, and should be taken, as with a grain of salt, as only smack.  Any /trolls/ bloggers who feel offended or plan to retort as if this really mattered in real life have the option of leaving this blog and keeping their response s to themselves and/or to their own website.

This content was not created by OBNUG and therefore may not meet our standards. On the contrary, it probably exceeds them.

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