Kellen thank you for give us this time , I know you can’t give us names, date or those kind of things but I was hoping you could shed some light on just what the ncaa investigators interested in.
Kellen: " Sure can Prophet"
Prophet: "Great , so let me start off by saying that I think you are the greatest QB to ever live and I see you playing until your 50 in the NFL . Here’s my first question when the ncaa rules commit first found out you allowed a perspective recruit to spend the night at your apartment, how did they know about the can of Tuna?"
Kellen: " I guess they asked him what he eat and he told them, what was surprising to me was all the questions about the can of tuna."
Prophet: " Questions about the can of tuna what do you mean?"
Kellen: "Well they seemed most interested in the size of the can, what brand it was, did I buy it at Albertson or some dollar store, they even asked me if I had used Miracle whip or some off brand and weather I had chopped onions in the tuna, what was the real shocker for me is when they asked what kind of bread did I use."
Prophet;" wait a minute before we get into this bread part, I’m trying to grasp what difference it would make on what kind of tuna you used, by the way what tuna was it?"
Kellen: "Starkest chicken of the sea."
Prophet: " in oil or water ?"
Kellen; "in water of course!"
Prophet: "Health nut I understand, so did you ever ask them why it mattered where you bought it from and what Brand it was?"
Kellen: "I did."
Prophet; " and what did they say?"
Kellen: "They said they wanted to make sure it wasn’t some kind of homemade thing my mother might have made seeing how I’m from Washington, they said the reason for the question on the brand, size of the can, onions etc. Was so they might be able to put some kind of value to it, and from my understanding if it was something homemade then instead of placing the value compared to say a subway tuna sub it would have been in the range of a high end restraint, which I’m lead to believe would of lead to even stiffer penalties."
Prophet: " I guess it’s safe to assume the same questions were ask of the blow up mattress?"
Kellen: " Oh yes they were very aggressive about the mattress."
Kellen: " Well you see I couldn’t provide them with it because the thing was so old and warn out after the recruit left I had tossed it."
Prophet: "They got mad because you didn’t have the mattress anymore?"
Kellen: "Indeed they had accused me of destroying evidence and not cooperating with their investigation, luckily I had pictures of it so they were able to glean whatever information from them."
Prophet: " you don’t happen to a have those pictures still that we might share with our readers?"
Kellen: "Sure I’ll get you one before we go."
Prophet: "That would be great thank you. So how close was it really?"
Kellen: " Real close I guess, I had used Helmsmen real mayonnaise and wonder bread and I guess that really shot up the value, but fortunately the photo was able to show the air mattress was a Wal-Mart cheapy."
Prophet: " Well thank you Kellen for taking the time out to talk to us as I’m sure you know we are pulling for you!"
Man I wish I would of looked at them before he left would of like to known who the girls were.
His secret is out we all now know whats #1 on Tmunsons mind!
Do we really need to investigate further?
You be the judge!
Next addition we interview Mrs. Tmunsons
No doubt this is a women we all want to be around on game day!
He just wanted me to let everyone know he got a new plane and is very happy!
#10. Say nice things to him!
#9. Offer to give him a foot rubs after a long day.
#8. Send him an extra-large bottle of Jack
#7. Cook him a nice steak.
#6. Pay for a Craigslist Message
#5. Vote Republican
#4. Get a sense of humor
#3. Take a class on Prophetese
#2. Buy him season tickets for the 2012 season
And the numbered 1 thing you can do to help Darth improve his grammar.
Buy Him 2 round trip tickets with hotel and game accommodation to the Georgia dome for the sept 3rd match up !
Lacking any or all of those things it’s highly doubtful you will see an improvement in Darths grammar.
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