FanPost

BLOG GUIDE to PRE-SEASON INANITY

Bronco fans have good reason to be on edge for what looks like to, again, be a very promising season of national exposure, hype, and conjecture regarding Blue & Orange worthiness to challenge for the Coaches Crystal Trophy.  Much of this excitement is placed on-line and thus in infinity for all sports fans to read, such as at sacred blogs sites (OBNUG), local news rags (Idaho Statesman), or old competitors’ student rant & rave towelettes (UI Argonaut).  These postings are meant to convey fan thrills and loyalty, but often invite trolleristic negativity.  This is due in some part to the fact that sometimes in the excitement of the moment, any fan can get caught up in the flurry of emotions about their team; either defending the reputation, or attacking others’, and end up leaving a statement ready to be pounced upon like a Dustin Lapray dangling modifier in front of a tired old “liti-gator”. 

Yes, sadly, it looks like some of our enthusiasm has been taken the wrong way; well-intended and positive supportive statements though they be… homerisms, euphemisms, and other foot-in-mouth gags that seemed funny locally, don’t always translate that way to other fans!  I know, can you believe it?  The edifying goal being offered is to avoid adding fuel to the uneducated media flame-throwers and the lake-of-fire existence of non-Bronco fans beyond the cultural, if not physical, borders of Bronco Nation.  I know, I know…”haters gonna hate” an’ all, but lets not make it too easy for ‘em, right?!

 Actual grammar and syntax aside…in an effort to prepare our OBNUG faithful and other Bronco fans alike, this information is intended to assist in re-directing our impulsivities from tip-o-the-tongue missives, keyboard mis-fires (d**n fat fingers),  and misspeaks towards more sports correct phraseology  (find THAT famous movie term, munson).  So without purposefully trying to offend any OBNUG faithful, the following examples are provided for your perusal, or at least amusement.  To wit;

Scenario #1:

-          A friendly OBNUG poster says — “they [USU] never posed a threat.”  Harmless, right?  Wrong.

What bronco fan meant:

“in the bag”, or “they were totally dominated by superior firepower”, or even “posted their best showing yet, but could not match the depth and strength of the better team”

What non-bronco fans interpret:

“no competition = easy win, how can the Broncos brag about that!”, or “USU is not an athletic competitor, if they are so easily beaten”, or even “USU is a cupcake, that’s a win?”

Implications:

Public enemies like MM or CJ or Brian Murphy get to use that as fodder against us, well-meaning words from our own sentiments, so their own twisted comments spew forth; “WAC is weak…”, “MWC is weak…”, “so, if BSU continues to play cupcakes, a national championship cannot be part of their future…”  (when are their lips going to fall off?? Stupid voodoo dolls)

Scenario #2:

-          A non-bronco OBNUG poster says —“Also did I just hear you say that if a team isn’t in the fbs, they shouldn’t be allowed to compete in the NCAA championship? BUT THAT’S NOT FAIR”

What non-bronco fan meant:

“eat (BW) and die, stupid Broncos”, or “I think I have a thread of a legitimate idea, no, wait…”

What bronco fans can interpret:

“He’s jealous of my team’s rapid success compared to his school’s sliver-spooned, over-rated, and pampered prima-divas…and he admits he has a potty mouth”

Implications:

In this actual case, an OBNUG defender-extraordinaire mounted an exhaustive and persuasive rebuttal, which should have enlightened said interloper; alas, not the case.  While the rebuttal does much to educate the OBNUG faithful and thus strengthens our collective response potential, troll management is always problematic and fraught with complexities.  The recommended action is to avoid feeding—no further comments, no eye-contact—no validation, and provide warning signs to all “travelers”—danger, do not approach!  There is one other spell to invoke, but it involves baiting it into a state of violation that bans it from the realm; effective, but on the ethical edge of night.

Scenario #3:

-          A non-friendly OBNUG poster says — “MWC commissioners can change the venue, but the outcome will still be the same…go FROGS!!!”

What non-bronco fan meant:

“BW, we are dead for sure, but I can’t resist puffing out my chest (cause I ‘uz raised stupid)”, or “Wait, we don’t really want to be seen as the conference hopping toads that we are, we just want to be national champs like we were in ’35 when college football was so at its peak of technological development and equitable athletic performance (not based on geographic proximities or university presidential bragging [facetiousness])…don’t make us really have to play and win it all over again, just give it to us, PLEASE!?”, or “I don’t want to pay for a plane ride, hotel, and booze when my team’s definitely going down in flames, hey NCAA or ESPN, can we just skip this one and not count it in our season W – L columns? We’ll do the same for U Conn, and throw in West VA at no extra cost!”

What bronco fans can interpret:

“scared and quivering little amphi-reptilians, rich though you may be, you are still dirt under the sh** under my boots”, or “we are so gonna fill the stands now, and on ESPN…during waking hours—public beatdown and humiliation here you come, toadies.”, or “yep, like I always said, on a still fall evening, frogs can shore make a lot of racket, but jes go try and cetchya one…they just scatter…nuttin but ripples… shuts ‘em up though”

Implications:

Tact and diplomacy are prime requisites here…but screw tact and diplomacy!!…awww sorry, to adhere to the spirit of improvement, we should take the obviously bloated toad comment and NOT respond in kind.  Previous experience is that even though they are educated privately, their stupidity is very public…constant popping off at the mouth, vandalism…in Ft Worth (have you seen that wreck of a town?), and notso-covert drug use rampant on campus…it’s as if the major they declared was DFW Bad-Boyz Father & Son Club.  Appropriate responses might be tailored to their self-aggrandized view, emphasizing how clever Patterson is in using his pants as a play-calling signal method…two shakes and a tight grab = sweep left, wedgie and belt buckle twist = quarterback draw, or zipper-check and pocket pat-down = tight-end across the middle.  Bottom-line, they’re leaving and shouldn’t be back on this or MWC site after next season, so respond however you want…just like the species (sadly), these horny toads are vanishing (not sadly).

Scenario #4:

-          An OBNUG invading poster says — “doncs…etc”

What non-bronco fan meant:

“but, but, but, my daddy promised that I was going to the best school in Idaho, (sniff) (sniff) and now…I’m MAAAAAD at daddy, wwwwwwwaaaaahhhhhhh!”

What bronco fans can interpret:

“stupid vandals, disappear back into your kibbie-hole of a wasteland”

Implications:

All is right in Idaho, vandals aren’t relevant anymore; what with all their “brain-power”.  Hey, go think up something to do with all the extra time you’ll have because your team is never going bowling!  How about using your research $$ making some student-dorm-window-netting?

 

As the up-coming CFB season approaches, BSU alumni and student’s pulses race higher as anticipation builds towards the Bronco’s best chance by far to scale the summit of a NCG.  We need to grow newer and more mature skills that can handle the assaults and infiltrations that accompany any wartime campaign.  We need to side-step the land-mines of old rivalries (Vandolls), defuse the IEDs of OOC histories (hedged-in bulldogs), and counter-intel against wanna-be MWC champs (horny purps)

While no one but Drew, Nick, and Kevin are totally literarily impervious, the rest of us may need a slight bit of tutoring, in order to show the non-bronco world (soon to be even smaller) the solidarity among Bronco fan mind, tongue, and quill power.  Have you heard/seen any un-bullet proof blogs that could offer constructive OBNUG blog-composing benefits? (say THAT five times fast)  Care to share?




This content was not created by OBNUG and therefore may not meet our standards. On the contrary, it probably exceeds them.

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