FanPost

Craig James Found to Be Radio Controlled Android

-AP Bristol, Connecticut

TMZ is reporting that: in a bizzare twist of events last Sunday evening, ESPN college football analyst Caig James was revealed to be a radio controlled android.

The discovery was made after James, while commenting on Boise Sate University's chances at a BCS National Championship berth during ESPN's "BCS Countdown Show," repeated the phrase, "body of work" 67 times in succession.  This was then followed by a string of irrational logic and finger pointing that led to the ESPN cameras cutting to a clearly enthused Rece Davis.

Investigation into the matter is reported to have shown that an ill timed programming glitch forced the James android (BCS-5) to rely soley on his basic 3 law operating system (see below:)

  • 1. A BCS android may not injure the BCS system or, through inaction, allow a the BCS system to come to harm.
  • 2. A BCS android must obey orders given it by ESPN executives except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
  • 3. A BCS android must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

The error was quickly identfied by the James android's remote handler, former ESPN analyst Trev Alberts, who tried to control the BCS-5 via a special I-phone application.  The effort proved futile and ESPN was forced to cut to the incoherent ramblings of Lou Holtz and consummate Boise State basher Mark May for the remainder of the broadcast.

The James android can be seen being assisted off stage in a catatonic like state by several ESPN employees.

ESPN president George Bodenheimer was quoted as saying only that, "The idea that ESPN uses androids to facilitate it's programming is preposterous, without merit, and smacks of conspiracy theory lunacy."

Craig James has not been available for comment.

This content was not created by OBNUG and therefore may not meet our standards. On the contrary, it probably exceeds them.

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