FanPost

hrman7, this one is for you!

As you all know, we have a troll on our hands. He has been defecating all over our blog and frankly, the guy is clueless. I posted this as a comment on Mulliganville's wonderful "Not In My Backyard" fanpost. I don't know if hrman7 is going to see it as he has filled up the comment section with his garbage to the point where there is way too much to sift through. So here it is. hrman7, I sure hope you read it! Let's see what you can come up with in response!

The Origin of hrman7's Religious-like Anti-Bronco Zeal

"I awoke from a hybernation-like slumber, vivid memories of college football, both good and bad, still bouncing inside my head. When suddenly, to my utter astonishment, a pillar of light came down from the heavens as if through my ceiling and rested just above the floor to the right side of my bed.

 

"As I cowered behind my SEC logo and Mark May endorsed Snuggie, the light became brighter to the point where I was forced to put on my authentic Oakley sunglasses (which were on my night stand, next to my ipad, both of which my expensive education had eventually allowed me to earn enough money to pay for). Just then, a figure appeared in the midst of the light. This figure oddly resembled Craig James, but in a heavenly not-crater-marked-face-from-acne kind of way.

 

"This Craig James spirit impostor then began to speak in Robert Smith's pompous, annoying voice, saying: 'I am a messenger sent from above to assign you, hrman7, with a heavenly task. If you are not successful, you will be destroyed and another will be sent in your place.'

 

With angst and fear in my voice I replied, 'But Craig James Casper sir, I am merely a 30 year-old man/boy with a meager education. How can I be of any assistance to such a higher power?'

 

'You have been chosen, young-ish lad, for you possess a skill that no one else in the world does.'

 

'What is it?'

 

'Your uncanny ability to blindly attack others you don't know in a biased, unfounded, fact-free, and stubborn manner. It is mind-boggling how good at it you are.'

 

'Well that's true,' I told Craig James.

 

He continued, 'As you know, we have constructed a college football system where the rich get richer and the poor are left to look on from the outside in envy, despair, depression, and jealousy. The blue bloods and traditional powers of the game have been anointed to continue on, annihilating any uprising that they encounter along the way. As much as we have tried, a pocket of happiness and joy has emerged from Boise, Idaho. They threaten all that we as football fans hold dear; an unfair structure to keep the little guy down.'

 

I sat up in my bed in confusion, banging my skull on the LSU National Championship trophy replicas from 2003 and 2007. I thought about the Broncos and all I could come up with was only what my idol Mark May has said about them. 'But what do you have against Boise State?'

 

'They are getting too strong. They have beaten enough of my almighty BCS teams. The worst part is that they are backed by an ever-growing population of highly intelligent and witty OBNUGgers, mainly Kevan Lee and Mikrino. Plus I don't like their blue field. I can't see their players in it.'

 

I was finally catching on. 'I see what you are saying Mr. Craig Ghost James. What will you have me do?'

 

The spirit replied, 'Create a SB Nation account and log onto obnug.com. Find every fanpost and featured writing that you can and tell those little bastards how terrible their team is. We have to take them down from the inside.'

 

I began to get worried. 'But my knowledge of college football is limited. I am aware of very little outside of the SEC. I do not have any facts or real data to back up my opinion.'

 

His answer was fairly reassuring, 'That is fine. Everybody knows that the best lies are the ones where a tiny fraction of truth is sprinkled in. Start your meaningless dribble with biased and unsubstantiated claims, throw in your "SEC is better than everyone" opinion, and mix in an ounce of truth. You will have them confounded in no time! Remember, the WAC is a poor conference. That fact will be enough to carry you no matter what argument or retort the OBNUGgers throw at you. We have prepared some inside men from the WAC to officiate the Broncos' next game. They won't throw the game, but will make horrible calls and throw the momentum to the Wolfpack. If they are successful, Boise State will lose and you will have enough fuel to feed your argument for at least a couple of weeks. Take it and run with it. Ignore everything smart or clever thing that they say. Blindly throw your opinion at them and defend yourself even though you will have you legitimate ground to stand on! MUAHA, HA, HA, HA, HA!'

 

My eyes grew big as I realized the possibilities and opportunity that awaited me. 'I will do as you have instructed me. I will defend my opinion to the bitter end, no matter how asinine or ridiculous it sounds. Nothing can phase me!'

 

Craig James Ghost then gave me this final instruction, 'Under no circumstance shall you tell them you are a massive SEC homer who's head is so far up his ass that he can't see a good football team when it is right in front of him. You must carry the banner for all that is corrupt and inaccurate in college football! Our existence as a fraudulent system depends on it!'

 

With that the Craig James/Ghost/Spirit/Casper-thingy was absorbed by the blinding light. It ascended back up through my ceiling and disappeared as quickly as it had come. 'I sure hope he didn't wake up my  parents...' I thought.

 

I put my head back on my pillow, gazing at my Catholic-like homage to Mark May in the West corner of my bedroom/parent's laundry room. I could not get back to sleep as I continued to think of the mission that lay ahead of me. I jumped out of bed after a few minutes and ran to my MacBook (again, thanks to my education!) to log onto obnug.com.

 

"Good thing I am annoyingly stubborn and dense," I said out loud as I started to type a fictitious comment about Nebraska offering Boise State a 3 game series that they declined because the Huskers wouldn't give them enough money..."

This content was not created by OBNUG and therefore may not meet our standards. On the contrary, it probably exceeds them.

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