There has been a lot of talk, hype, controversy, and over-analyzation (I know, that's not a word) surrounding the January 10th National Championship match up between the Ducks and the Tigers. We know what will happen to the fans and players of the team that wins and the team that loses. But what about us? What about the football fanatic that supports a different team? This post is for us. I don't know about you, but I have a special spot in my heart for loathing Oregon and their fans. Also, Scam Newton has ruined what the Heisman means. Basically, this is the championship game that few people outside of Eugene, OR and the deep south wanted to see. We have the team with the reigning Heisman
buyer winner and the one led by a convicted criminal. How does it make you feel?
It’s too bad we couldn’t see one of these great offenses versus a great defense in TCU or Boise State. Instead we will see a fast paced, high scoring affair in which many people will wish that there was a way for both teams to lose, blow up, die, or cease to exist in some crazy way. If you can’t tell, I don’t like either of these teams. If Auburn wins, Newton will feel even more entitled than he already does and it will teach our children that cheating, lying, and being dishonest pays off as long as you are a freak athlete and can will a team to win all by yourself. Also, we’ll have to hear for another year how amazing the SEC is. That fire will be fueled for a long time afterwards. If the Ducks win, we’ll have to sit here and hear it from their ridiculous, cocky, blow-hard fans about how awesome the Ducks are. Eugene will finally be known for something else besides being the place where "Animal House" was filmed. I don’t know if I want to live in a world where Oregon fan has free reign to talk as much junk as they will if their team wins. They easily forget that this is basically the same squad that lost to Boise State two years in a row, and it is basically the same Bronco team that beat/destroyed them.
In other words, the college football landscape will either be populated with SEC elitists, jumping on their soap boxes, throwing their Bibles to the side, brandishing their red necks and farmer tans in their overalls, and through missing teeth and gingivitis infections proclaim the flawed gospel that is football in the South. "We live, breathe, eat, and dream this stuff year round! Nobody can stop us!" Only to make things worse, Mark May will have a fit of pleasure in his pants just as he has the last 4 years when other SEC teams have won it all. I just can’t take his seeing ugly, elitist face on my TV screen building up that conference any more than he already has. Or we will see hemp bracelet-wearing, lucha libre mask-donning, unfounded cockiness-weilding Duck honk tooting his own horn and in the most condescending way imaginable talk smack to any other team that even looks at them, all in between lengthy bong hits and making the "O" with their hands (that looks strangely similar to another sign that symbolizes a part of the female anatomy…). It will be like the d-bag boyfriend who picks fights with another dude for thinking about looking at his girl. That is Oregon in a nutshell. This is the world we live in and unfortunately, there is absolutely nothing we can do about it. So here’s to hoping that a sniper perches himself in the rafters or press box of University of Phoenix Stadium and does us all a favor.