WAC, MWC agree to BCS contract; OBNUG obtains concession letter

There will be no mini-apocalypse in non-BCS football next year. Cooler, responsible heads have prevailed. Also, cash.

The presidents of the Mountain West and WAC calmly and rationally decided to keep the money and stay, until at least 2014, by signing the BCS/ESPN contract that begins next season. But don't think for a second that this means either conference is giving up.

The (WAC) will attach a letter "that will lay out the concerns we have and basically express our strong objection to the current BCS structure," Boise State president Bob Kustra said.

Here is that letter.

Dear BCS overlords, ESPN accessories to war crimes, and the machine that runs Brent Musburger,

It is with great regret and under extreme duress that we have reluctantly agreed to be associated with your axis of evil for another four years. Please note that our doing so should not be taken as a sign of our approval for the system (unless doing so is a requirement for getting a cut of revenue, in which case, "BCS forevers!"). We continue to stand in direct opposition of your failed postseason charade, much like our stand against terrorism, Catholic church indulgences, and fielding a top-to-bottom competitive conference for ourselves. Let this be clear.

In case you had forgotten our grievances with your gross injustice of humanity, allow us to rehash what was recently rehashed by Utah Senator Orrin Hatch in front of the Senate a few days prior and then re-rehashed by the entire American media over the following days.

Grievance number one: The BCS is not fair.

We refuse to expound on this statement because any rational person should see that there is no room for interpretation, context, or personal opinion in regards to the truth of the BCS' inequity. It's un-American to think otherwise.

Grievance number two: Utah totally beat Alabama last year.

Do you remember that game? We sure do. Well, we remember reading about it the day after. We kind of had this birthday party to attend and thought that the Utes were going to get blown out anyway, so we didn't, per se, watch the game so much as we leaned on print media to tell us about it well after the fact. Six in one, half dozen in the other, as far as we're concerned.

Utah's victory over Alabama concedes us a valid point: Nick Saban-coached teams are overrated. But not only that, Utah's win also proved that any team from the non-automatic-qualifying conferences has the ability to beat a bigger school on any given day. (Note: This does not apply to Idaho, New Mexico State, Wyoming, Miami (OH), Western Kentucky, a majority of the Sun Belt, Eastern Michigan, Kent State, and several others we will not name at this time.) These are the facts, and people who don't agree with facts are people who hate babies.

Grievance number three: Something about the Sherman Antitrust Act

You are Microsoft to our Linux, Verizon to our Alltell Wireless, Coca-cola to our Mr. Pibb. The Sherman Antitrust Act states, and we quote, "There shall not exist any entity that prohibits the free enterprise of capitalism or Boise State football." If it's in the Constitution, it's good enough for us.

Grievance number four: Less money, mo' problems

It is not true what Notoriuos B.I.G. sang. We actually think that more money would take a lot of our problems away.

Your BCS is merely a vehicle for helping the rich to get richer and the bigger conferences to get even bigger. What about the less rich guy? Our schools are simply unable to compete against such wealthy, appointed competition, and the payout from the big bowl games seems to be making this matter worse. We would like to be able to expand our stadiums. We would like to buy Karl Benson a toupee. A nine percent of cut of multi-millions in revenue on an annual basis regardless of whether or not we send a team to a BCS game is ludicrious, disappointing, and, probably, racist.

These four grievances are only the tip of our passive-aggressive iceberg. There are more, and we will be mailing them to you at spaced out intervals over the next four years. Also, we signed you up for the Jelly of the Month Club, so be expecting a bill for that.

You, BCS, are wrong. You are evil. And we want to make it painfully obvious that our feelings about you will not change no matter how many contracts and agreements we sign.

You can have our signature, but you cannot have our souls.

Good day to you.

Sincerely,

The nine WAC presidents, Michael Jackson, and Jesus

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