One day among the dreary fog, along the banks of the Oak Tellies River, a strange thing happened. From behind the mighty oaks of the the nearby by forest bellowed the deep wailing of Brandy Yodeler. A large man, with a fancy for yodeling through the hills of the Creepy Adores Forest. But suddenly, without his usual send off the yodeling was cut short. Brandy never stopped before sunset. Something was amiss. And Tomboy Monger intended to find out what happened to the yodeling giant.

Tomboy was a local son of the Creepy forest. Born and raised within a stone’s throw of the Dragon Show behind the Ole Golden Oak Tavern. He was not highly thought of, for he was always putting his nose into other people’s business. But he always managed to help everyone out. So he bumbled off along his trail to investigate the sudden stop of the yodeler.

Upon arriving at the home of Brandy he found a small gnome who had also come to investigate. “Whattaya think hap’n to mista Yodel?” ,asked the gnome. “Crime shorty. Crime.” ,said Tomboy. He noticed a broken chair in the kitchen and a fire was still burning in the hearth. He also noticed in the center of the room the manlike rug he’d seen there before was missing. Whoever took Brandy must have taken the rug, he thought.

As he left he knew he was in for a long night, so Tomboy stopped at the Salami Van for a quick bite to eat. He sat for a minute and talked with the skinny man who owned the van. "Hey Pinko, you don’t know who would’ve had something against ol’ Brandy Yodeler, do you? “Nah, he’s okay wit me. I dunno who could not like the guy.”, said Pinko. “General Ex visited him last week I know. Maybe that has something to do with it?” ,quizzed Pinko. “Thanks Pinko. I’ll check into it” , said Tomboy. “Before I go, give me a twist of that Antenna Sushi, I love that stuff.” Pinko pulled a piece of his regionally famous antenna sushi off of the antenna of the Salami Van, and Tomboy continued on the search for Brandy Yodeler.

“General Ex” , Tomboy muttered to himself. " That’s got to be it!" He doesn’t like anybody." , thought Tomboy. General Ex was a semi-retired used car salesmen. He still greeted folks at the local Wam-Mart from time to time. He wasn’t a real general. People just got used to calling him General Ex because he was constantly barking orders at people as they entered Wam-Mart. As he approached the General’s house he saw sitting on the porch the manlike rug from Brandy’s house. “Eureka!” exclaimed Tomboy. He burst into the house kicking down the rickety screen door that hung lazily from the jamb. “General Ex!” ,he shouted. “I know you’ve got Brandy here, so come out now.” Just then there was a tussle heard coming from the cellar below. Tomboy rushed to the cellar door. He threw up the plank to the cellar and jumped into the cavern.

There, in the cellar, tied to a post, sat Brandy, tears in his big friendly eyes. “I, Man Choir. I no stop yodel.” ,cried Brandy. “It’s okay.” said Tomboy. “I’m gonna get you outta here. Where’s the General?” “He out back. He pick more habaneros. He make me eat habanero everytime I try to sing. Oh me sphincters!” , cried Brandy, terrified. Just then the General walked through the back door with a hand full of habaneros. “What is tarnation are you doing in my home, Tomboy!” shrieked the General. “I’m here to take Brandy home, and can’t stop me old man!” , proclaimed Tomboy. “I’ll see about that.” said General Ex. “I’m gonna get my laser pointer.” It’s a special one. The laser gags anyone I point it at." explained the General. “You’re nothing but a relaxed nagger!” shouted Tomboy. “You sleep in until 10 o’clock and then you go to Wam-Mart just to nag anyone who comes through the door.” “A relaxed nagger, that’s what you are.”

The General broke down. He was ashamed. He explained that he kidnapped Brandy after he’d stopped by last week and asked him to stop yodeling. He’d fed him habaneros to try to get him to stop, but Brandy couldn’t stop. “I was just jealous.” , said the General. “I always listen to Brandy every night, and when I try to yodel it sounds awful.” explained General Ex. “I help you.” said Brandy. “I show you how to yodel.” “You’d do that?” asked the General. “Even after what I’ve done to you?” He exclaimed, puzzled. “Sure.” , said Brandy. " You not bad, I like habaneros. But oooh me sphincters." laughed Brandy.

On that note, General Ex walked home with Brandy, smiling all the way. Tomboy didn’t get any thanks, or a pat on the back, but he felt good for helping them become friends.
He decided to head back to the Salami Van, for some more Antenna Sushi, plus he liked that picture of Kyle Wilson on the side.

Moral of the story: Just because someone is better at something than you, doesn’t mean you can try to hi-jack them. It won’t make you feel any better. It’s better to learn from them and try to improve yourself in the process.

You hear that BCS pundits? Don’t hate, appreciate!